Bereavement after 46 years of marriage

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My lovely husband died six weeks ago and although his health was not robust and as a family we have experienced a difficult two years, his sudden death has left me devastated. He died peacefully in bed at home after a particularly lovely day and evening and that is, of course, a comfort. Our daughter, my sisters and our friends have all been wonderful and supportive, but I am finding it so hard living alone, particularly as we have lived in the same house for 43 years. I am very practical and am busy and go out each day and am fortunate to have relatives I can stay with from time to time. I understand the incredible, cathartic effect of crying but I am crying much more now and feel so bereft

Your situation seems to almost mirror mine. We were an item for 49 years and married for 44. We have lived in this house for 42 years and it was filled with the noise of 4 children and several dogs and other small animals. It's hard to avoid looking back. It's actually just hard.
Like you I go out often and am so glad that my wife encouraged me to have a wide range of interests. She was diagnosed four years ago and I'm grateful she outlived her prognosis.

In reply to Maddy

Living alone is very hard for me too I was always a person who loved to share my life and have a soul mate that knew you inside and out and I feel alone even when my family are here it's a true saying you can be alone in a crowd. I feel so lost. I feel I am crying more each day too I feel it is with xmas round the corner and the thought of peter not being here I am dreading xmas eve and day I will put on a face for My kids and grand children but I can feel the hurt building up. Like you all was so quick in peters illness and I feel I am still shocked by it all love and hope to you xx

Hi Maddy My husband who was the love of my life died in july. I've been struggling since his death. Tryng to keep busy, out with family, I thought I was coping but
,these last few days things have become more difficult Back in the empty house and hes not here I' ve been crying constantly .I feel bereft as you do knowing hes not coming back. I know Christmas has a lot to do with it , memories of Christmas past with Phil. This site is a godsend we can pour our hearts out , knowing everyone will understand how we're feeling. I will be going out over Christmas with family, just going through the motions really, but will be glad when its all over,

Sandra xx

Hi Maddy its only been 4 weeks for me since my husband passed away I don't like living on my own has I have never lived on my own, when I go to my family it's when I come back to a empty house it's so quite and feels empty without my husband being there. I have cried more and more this week I don't know if it is the build up to Christmas or it's becoming more real now, like everyone I will be glad when Christmas is out of the way,than I will have to decide if i'm going back to work has I feel that I have lost my confidence in myself.I hope that we can all get though Christmas. Love Dawne

In reply to Maddy

So sorry to hear about your loss. It's devastating, and lonely and yes bereft. I lost my husband 15 months and like you we had a couple of difficult years and I always knew I would end up like this but never in a million did I truly understand how painfull it is, and I also feel alone even though I have my two grown up sons, their wives and grandchildren. It's still early doors for you and I hope you can find a way to cope, especially this time of year . Sending a hug. Jx

Hi.Maddy.
My heart goes out to you I know how you feel since it's only 7 weeks ago since my husband passed away we have been married for 36 years!
I find it the hardest thing to cope with the empty feeling of being alone in the house knowing my husband isn't coming home no more and cooking and eating alone, and locking up to go to bed alone at night the feeling of hurt and insecurity is absolutely horrendous.
Like you I am not one to sit around and I am always out! I have a full time job too ,hoping to go back to work in the new year just to get out and to be with people but I don't know yet as it's so hard! Our whole lives have been turned upside down.
I am always here for you if you want to chat.
Wishing you all the strength and support you need at this difficult time xx Sending you lots of love and hugs and kisses xxx

Hi Maddy

It’s so very hard isn’t it. You can’t quite get used to it. It is still so very raw for you and I can feel the hurt you are going through. Although I miss Peter all the time. I find it very hard on Christmas Day and just wish for it to be over and feel relived when it’s Boxing Day. I am an active church member and love the build up to Christmas with all the services and that keeps me busy. I am constantly doing something and although it is very tiring it seems to work for me most of the time. I still have moments of just bursting into tears for no reason at all when I am on my own but I think it’s good to have a bit of a release sometime.

It’s good you have the support. I have a great support network as well and think that has helped me a lot.

You may not think it now but although the pain doesn’t seem to go away it will ease over time and surprisingly the time seems to pass fairly quickly. It’s been 2 1/2 years since Peter died. We were married for 30 years.

I hope you get through the Christmas period with your family and friends around you, looking out for you. I hope you can find some peace on the coming year.

With love. Xx

Hi Maddy. I am so sorry for you. My husband died 21 months ago. Christmas is awful. I have traveled to Australia on my own as I couldn’t face it. I still feel lonely here with my daughter. Everyone has their own life. I am on the outside. However l am starting to forge a new life on my own. It will never be the same but I don’t want to waste the time I have left. Like you I keep busy but after 21 months I can face the house but not now. Be brave. Time will help and Christmas will soon be over. Regards Pattoa.

In reply to Pattoa

Hello
I too absolutely hate living on my own...it is probably the hardest challenge I have ever faced and I have just built a bubble around myself and my dogs within which each day passes. Time seems to have gone by in a haze...sometimes I feel as if Barry had only died yesterday and other days it seems a lifetime ago. I try to find things to be grateful for and, like everyone on this site, go through the motions....I don't think it gets easier but it becomes more "normal ". I live in a very rural area and have no transport of my own so seldom get out and about but the solitude works for me...each of us adapts to our own situation and can only try to make what is on offer work for us.
I have "got through"two and a half years and I am still going so there is hope for each one of us....one day at a time ! Take care x

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