Coping with my wife's funeral

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My wonderful wife passed away four weeks ago and Tuesday is the day of her funeral. I'm not coping with life at all. This has shocked me to my bones. I sob, I cry, I can't get out of bed so work I suffering. I can't eat. I have support around me but I still can't get through this pain. How am I going to cope at her funeral. Our music is being played rather than hymns. I want to speak but I don't think I will be able to. I already harbour guilt over her death now I feel I will let her down at her funeral. How do I manage all these emotions.

In reply to Stevie wee

Morning Stevie
Devastated for you buddie, I can’t say this is going to be easy because you and I know it’s not. Stay strong and hopefully you will find strength to get through the funeral and the coming months..... for me I found an inner coping mechanism from somewhere or someone.
Keep busy if you can and surround yourself with family and friends.
I do wish you well.
Barry
From Glasgow.

Cheers Barry I usually manage to keep myself together but this has really pulled me down. Other People on this site seem to be coping far better than I seem to be

I suggest that you ensure that you have seen the coffin, open or closed as you wish. Otherwise it can be a dreadful shock if your first sight is when it is brought in to the church/chapel.
Suggest same to other family.

Steel yourself to be a coffin bearer, with other family and friends if they want to. Funeral Directors are used to this, and will help and be standing by, though you’ll be in tears as you do it. You will be glad you did this - I guarantee it.

Do the tribute/eulogy. Get it written down and printed off in a nice large font, well spaced. Rehearse it - both at home and in the church if you can get access. Read it out loud to a trusted friend as part of your rehearsal, time it, encourage your listener to be critical, and listen to any comments or advice - but in the final analysis trust your own judgement. Get used to the parts that may be particularly difficult and likely to bring a tear.
Try and include something which will make people smile, or even laugh. Everybody wants to think of good times.
Tell little stories that most people won’t know.
Have a spare copy printed, and ask somebody else (the Minister maybe) to be following the script and be ready to step in to take over if you crack up.
Do not worry about cracking up though - you will have huge sympathy and respect for trying.
Remember, remember, remember, you are there to do honour to her. She’ll be proud of you.

Get writing, get amending, get rehearsing.

You’ll do it.

Thank you I will try

You’ll do it.

I found the hardest bit was at the crematorium which came before the service of thanksgiving. Having been to several funerals at the same crematorium I knew exactly what to expect and when it would hit me really hard. The first sight of the hearse turning off the road and up the drive, the going in behind the coffin to the strains of Elvis singing "Always on my mind". The minister had a well rehearsed format which wasn't too difficult and then the curtains closed and I started to breath again. We left to the sounds of her favourite Take That song. I'm glad I didn't deliver the eulogy despite the fact I'm generally a confident public speaker. That was a central part of the service of remembrance and I couldn't have coped with looking at so many family and friends in tears. I went to see my wife on the eve of the funeral as I felt I would regret it otherwise. I have mixed feelings about that now. The rest of the day of the funeral was a blur although I know I relaxed a bit. I just kept telling myself that it wasn't much of her in the coffin... just an empty shell. I wore her wedding ring and found it comforting to stroke or rub it during the more difficult bits of the day.

In reply to Stevie wee

Dear Stevie
As both Edwin and Yorkshire Lad have posted , you will get through this and the strength to do so will come to you. Your wife's spirit has already left her body and will be with you...remember that you are in this position because of your mutual love and trust in that love to enable you to do the best that you can...God bless youx

Thank you for your message. I know your right b er spirit has left I hope you are right about her being with me. I miss her so much.

Hi Stevie wee. You will find the strength to get through the day. If you can't shed tears at your beloveds funeral then when can you! Thinking of you.

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