feelings of suicide after a bereavement

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There's so many people on this forum who say they just want to die and be with their partner/husband/wife but do they actually tell anyone this. Some say, as I feel that they would like to commit suicide but they're not that brave or some other reason. I have told one or two people how I feel, and have actually been asked this question also. They seem surprised and also things like you're stronger than that. What is that supposed to mean. When your life has been turned every which way of course you don't want to be here. When your family aren't there for you at such a traumatising time why would you want to carry on. Life isn't and never ever will be the same again. However many years down the line. If your family aren't willing to help you or they haven't a clue how to help you how are we supposed to get through it. If I had the guts I would have ended my life by now but I haven't. The only way I suppose I would is if I lost my marbles, but its surely not a crime to be with the one you love. Don't know what other peoples views on this are.

You aren't alone in those feelings, I think they are all part and parcel of grieving and wanting to be with the one you loved and still love.
The last few days I have been at a very low ebb, the thought of ending it all has frequently entered my mind, it's not a question of having the guts to do it though, it's whether we are weak enough. Suicide is the ultimate act of selfishness, almost everyone has friends or relatives who would then feel grief the way we do. It takes guts and strength to go on and deal with the pain not the other way round.
Coming here reading other people's thoughts gives me comfort and I believe those we truly loved live on in us.
Yesterday I was feeling very low but while out walking I just happened to pass an event taking place here in Kent where a group were singing country music songs, the song was the same one I'd chosen for my partner's mother at her memorial service. I was the only person in the room holding the hand of both of them when they passed two years apart.
You may think the songs might have been a coincidence but I believe it was a sign. The funeral service for my partner's mother was held at a southern Baptist church in the USA and I happened to be at a spot in England at exactly the right time! Definitely not a coincidence but a sign when I needed one. It's not the first one I've seen either. My partner and her mother made me a better person, they changed me so they live on in me. The people we have loved and lost live on in us, ending our own lives destroys even more of them.
Losing someone we love is the most devastating thing we ever deal with, only those who have been through it will understand, it hurts so much because we truly loved them.
Keep posting here, you not only help yourself but others who read it and are going through the same thing.

My goodness, both of you. THANKS! I think most of us have felt like that at one time. But Carl, you are so right. It does take strength to deal with the opian and we wll have it. Courage is not given to just a few but so often remains hidden.
It may not be generally realised but the most courageous people I have met have been those in anxiety and all its associated horrors.
Anxiety is almost certain to occur in grief. The future is so uncertain. I always ask what would she have wanted for me, and it's certain not to be miserable for ever.
It is said that when we are miserable and grieving our loved ones do too. Asking anyone in grief to make themselves happy is ridiculous. But after 10 months I find just a bit of light ahead.
My wife also made me a better person. Women often do that to men. Treasuring the happy monts and accepting the bad is what life is about. If we never knew opian how could we know happiness?

In reply to Carl1955

Hi Carl,
I think we will have to agree to disagree on suicide.
I don' t think people who commit suicide shouldn't be regarded as weak or selfish.
Often they don't want to die they just can't continue living the life they have been left with.

I've been told that most men who kill themselves have never sought help with their mental health and there are lots of reasons they haven't.
Seeking help with mental health is still seen as a weakness despite recent campaigns.
Even when you decide to get help it's difficult to know where to go to.
Doctors offer anti-depressants, a lot of bereaved people aren't depressed,they've lost the most important person in their lives and and have no reason to live without them.
I can't imagine people who commit suicide want their family and friends to suffer but they are suffering day and night with no end in sight.

Often there's a long wait for counselling which helps some people to keep going but not others.

It's very sad that there is such a stigma attached to suicide how can it possibly be an easy option for anyone ?
Losing my partner has totally destroyed me and my life and I struggle through everyday and night ,
why I'm struggling on I have no idea.
I am sure many people go on to " find a new life " ahead of them but some simply don' t want to suffer for years in a life that is full of pain and has no meaning to them.
Everyone has a right to make a choice .
This site provides great support for so many people and it's always good to read different points of view.Jx

Correction to my post- it should read

I THINK people who commit suicide SHOULDN'T be regarded as weak or selfish ( not I don't think)

Without a doubt my children are my reason. I just couldn’t add to what they are already going through. My legacy would be a lifetime of guilt, a lifetime of if only, a lifetime of wishing .. I love them too much .. I just couldn’t do that to them. I’d be doing that to family and friends too.
I have children, I have family, I have friends and it takes every ounce of strength to protect them from how I am really feeling x

Thanks for the reply Dalejackie, our views on matters will always be different, I have first hand experience of dealing with the aftermath of a suicide, the story is too long for right now but it touches far more people than just the immediate circle.
The one thing everyone on this site has in common is we're all grieving, reading views and thoughts from others helps us to deal with the pain, which in turn makes us less likely to harm ourselves.
I have no problem admitting the depression I'm feeling is a mental health issue, I've been there before I drank heavily and got into trouble for it. I'm older and wiser now and better equipped to deal with it in spite of the devastating loss of my partner and soulmate for more than 21 years. I have zero faith in the medical profession to help, it was partly their lack of care that led to the earlier death of my sweet Rhonda.
Reading the messages from other people here, attending church and trying to honour the memory of my sweetheart keeps me going. She was a nurse for 30 years, a kind, caring person who die

Thanks for the reply Dalejackie, our views on matters will always be different, I have first hand experience of dealing with the aftermath of a suicide, the story is too long for right now but it touches far more people than just the immediate circle.
The one thing everyone on this site has in common is we're all grieving, reading views and thoughts from others helps us to deal with the pain, which in turn makes us less likely to harm ourselves.
I have no problem admitting the depression I'm feeling is a mental health issue, I've been there before I drank heavily and got into trouble for it. I'm older and wiser now and better equipped to deal with it in spite of the devastating loss of my partner and soulmate for more than 21 years. I have zero faith in the medical profession to help, it was partly their lack of care that led to the earlier death of my sweet Rhonda.
Reading the messages from other people here, attending church and trying to honour the memory of my sweetheart keeps me going. She was a nurse for 30 years, a kind, caring person who died too soon. I try to perform at least one good deed each day in her memory.

Apologies for the double post, I hate these phones and long for a proper keyboard again.

I think there’s a big difference between wanting to commit suicide and wanting to be with our partners. I think wanting to commit suicide is part of depression and wanting to be with our partners is what we go through with grieving.
I know if my husband walked through the door now everything in my life would be happy again. I’m grieving, not depressed. No amount of sleeping tablets, anti-depressants, counselling will make my life okay.
The problem though is when grief becomes depression ... the symptoms are very similar x

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