First Christmas

This has been my first Christmas as a widow. I felt ok leading up to it, went out to do some last minute shopping on Christmas Eve, spent the big day with special friends and enjoyed myself. Yesterday my parents were supposed to come, but decided not to. Still, spent a nice day on my own with my dogs. Then today. A friend had arranged to come and see me tomorrow, but he cancelled this morning to do something with his family instead. The feelings of desolation have just built up steadily during the day, until tonight I am very low and tearful. I feel my life has little value or purpose, only my dogs are keeping me going. Although i have built a life with friends and activities I feel as if I am just filling time. I keep asking why he had to be taken from me. Yes, I have the confidence to do things on my own, but I see no point because half the fun lies in sharing the experience with someone, and the memories it creates. I am 60, and all I can see is the rest of my life in front of me, a blank and lonely sheet. I miss being his special someone. I miss having him to chat to, someone who knew me better than i know myself. I hate that i will never experience this again

In reply to Tulabelle

Hi Tulabelle. One thing's for certain.... nothing is certain.... Another time, being let down by someone keeping an arrangement with you may not have been so devastating.....but this Christmas it was, and that is totally understandable considering it was your first after losing your husband.
One small step at a time......you're getting there despite the disappointments.
I feel your pain.... this is my first Christmas as a widow also and I am missing my husband so much at this time of the year. I don't think that people quite realise how their actions can affect you.. .you are hurting so much, you need TLC. You will find that here ... keep posting..,. we're all in the same sad boat here keeping each other afloat!
Treat yourself....you deserve it.
Annette xx

Hey Tulelabelle,
people will tell you sooo many things to make you better, don't get me wrong these people will help you an un-measurable amount! Me personally, I'm 33 and i lost my wife to the big C! my friends and family were the best, and done more than i could ever ask but they are on a different level to what i was! i read what you wrote and that first Christmas is the more swear words combined that i knew possible! BUT and i mean a Massive Butt! it will get easier i PROMISE! It is no Doubt the hardest thing i will have to do and probably you too! but i swear to you life gets easier as time goes on, you will never forget, but you will always remember the best of everything and it will push you forward. im being more honest with you than ive been with myself in a while but in doing this im accepting things that ive put off for way too long! i wish the best for you and hope that you never let life break you, honestly because life is what we make it and im stubborn so never give in! x ps if you ever need someone give me a shout

In reply to Tulabelle

I lost my husband on 27th November last year. I am really finding it unable to cope.
I just can't go out, we use to go out together all the time.
He was the one that talked /spoke all the time, I miss that so much. I feel so lost and alone but don't want to be around anyone only James.
Christine x