It's the first time


Today my lovely husband would have celabrated his seventy second birthday it is the first time 54 years that I want be able to say happy birthday with a kiss he passed away in April on a Sunday weekends are so hard and family are busy so l usually spend them on my own but today is worse I have been awake just thinking about today so anxiety has returned don't know its still hard to keep remembering he has left me and never coming home just one more birthday kiss that's all I want to be able to give him happy birthday my darling
Thank you all on this forum it is so helpful
Marian Victoria x

Anniversaries can be so painful. My wife's birthday was in may and I lost her last November. Painful is not the right word.
beig alonw at this time is also not helpful. But even then it doesn't stop the grief.

Message has posted before I had time to finish.

I could say all the usual things that everyone else says who don't understand. But in the end it comes down to seeing it out as best we can.
I send my love and a hug at this most difficult time.

Birthday remembering so hard, my hubby passed away in April too, my daughter bless her, bought me chocolate on my hubbies birthday to comfort me she said. Yes families are so busy at the weekends, that's when I feel the loneliness kicks in, I still haven't got my head round that he's not here, gone forever, wake up thinking of him, althrough the day and at night he's constantly in my head. It's 4 months now what have I been doing, time is so foggy. I cry for all the love I've lost, past memories we shared, it's so draining all this crying. I've got a wonderful picture of my hubby, and the look he's giving me is truly one of love. He's looking straight at me, I know I was loved, but it's bloody hard being on your own with only your memories. Yes I miss the kisses too, he always insisted I kissed him even if I was only going shopping. Hugs x

Sending love and hugs to you Marian on this special day. Have a lovely glass of wine and toast your lovely husband, think of all the memories you have with him and your family, he will be with you all the time. xxxx Carol xxxx

In reply to rocketron

Thank so much Carol I'm going to try to go to the crematorium with my red roses and my love doing it for him
Your support is so comforting thank you
Marian Victoria xx

Hi Marian I know this will sound strange but when you have been to the crematorium you will feel better I know I would because you will feel that you are doing something for him especially on this special day. Of course you will be upset but just think the other way around what would he say and do, he will be very proud of you and how you are coping. Love to Carol xxxx

I have not had a birthday yet - both our birthdays were within four days of each other. For those four days I was four years older than him - and to say the jokes about the age difference came thick and fast were an understatement - and even after 40 years they continued. Next year will be the first time I will celebrate alone and cannot think about that or what we will do at Christmas. I guess I will face that when we get there.

I too have two lovely children but they are busy at weekends. I have gone back to work to two full days a week and will gradually increase them back up to four days - but evenings too are hard and especially coming home to an empty house.

I have some of those photos - one where Gary is looking straight at me. Originally I could not look at it - it was too painful. Now I sit in his music room talking to him through it. Another was taken when we married - I am looking down and he is looking at me and the look of love is so evident on his face - I cherish it. It was only taken four years ago -when I finally agreed to marry him - I had not wanted to change the very special relationship we had. And the other photo I love is one my daughter took on a cruise - he is pulling one of his silly faces and I am roaring with laughter -and that one just summed our relationship up - he made me laugh from day one. It is so hard isn't it. I too cry for the love lost, the memories and the future without him.

Sometimes the words that people use on here reflect how we feel - it makes us realise that others are the same , that we are not alone - that others loved as deeply and completely and cannot come to terms that they have gone forever. I sometimes think he is just out somewhere and will be back soon .... or is in another part of the house. Maybe he is - I just cannot see him.

Sorry it started as a quick reply and ended as a ramble.

Take care all.

Trisha xxx

In reply to rocketron

I have just returned home from the crematorium took lovely red roses and silly as it sounds took birthday card as well and yes as you said very up setting but so glad I have done it it was for him on his special day and I do hope he will be proud of me thank you for your very wise words and support love marian xxx

I am so glad for you Marian, it is so not silly about the card. We have a seat for