I never thought I would need to do this as I've tried to get through this for nearly a year with little support apart from my best friend.
Just over 2 years ago my Dad passed away after being ill for several months. Obvisouly I was devastated but I had My Mum and my 2 brothers around for comfort, knowing we were all going through his loss together. A few months after my Dad passed away my sister in law, who was more like my sister also died suddenly. Less than 6 months after she died my brother, her husband was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and after fighting as hard as he could against it he too died a few months later. On the day of his funeral I discovered that my other brother was also extremely ill and he too died 8 months later. By this time my Mum's health was poor and she too was diagnosed with cancer and after a 4 month battle she too finally passed away in May last year!!!
The amount of loss has been totally devastating to me. All the people I have lost would have been the people I would have gone to for support in such situations, but who do you turn to when all these people have gone and its them you're grieving for? Being a single parent has meant I haven't even been able to have the support of a partner, so I have solely relied on my best friend, who without her being their for me I would have probably lost the plot.
I have so many feelings, utter sadness, loneliness, anger, but the latest feeeling and one of the main reasons for joining this is the feeling of having no purpose. Before all my family members died, it was me that made sure they had eveything they needed and was there for them, whether that being cleaning or taking to hospitals of shopping, my days were full of looking after everyone, but now when I'm not working or the kids are out I feel so lost and overwhelmed by this feeling. The worst times are in the middle of the night when I'm not sleeping, which is most nights, and everything seems so much worse.
I feel so much grief, but as much for my children as for me, as I feel they have been robbed of all there family that would have loved them like no-one else and spoiled them to bits. I know I can't change this, but I wish the horrible feeling would go away.
I hope this doesn's sound awful but reading through some of the stories on here has given me some comfort to know other people struggle too and that it's nice that many people are supporting other people going through similar experiences too.
I just feel like I needed to tell people about my story, as since Mum died I think people just don't want to talk about what happend anymore as it was such a horrible time, whether that's because they don't want to upset me or don;t know what to say or just don't care, I don't know, but whatever the reason I'm still feeling really upset about it all and often burst into tears at the drop of a hat and actually DO need to talk about it.
I hope I've not waffled on too much guys. That's my story and any happy thoughts you could send my way will be much appreicated.