The loss of his dad destroyed our marriage

My husband and dad were close. In October, my father in law passed away. We knew my husband would take it hard and he did. He kept telling people that he was OK and he wasn’t. In October, my husband started talking to 3 other women. One, being his ex wife who I had reached out and contacted when my father in law passed bc she was part of the family (she’s remarried with kids). My husband said the conversations with these 3 women were “just words”. We have been together for 8 years, 2 of those married. Since his dad passed, my husband has turned into a monster. He’s angry at me. Blames me for everything. Blamed me for him cheating, blamed me for finding his lies and catching him, even blames me for himself moving out.
Our marriage wasn’t bad at all. The only problems we had, were when we argue, he shuts down and I blow up (guilty of calling him an asshole and other names when we fight-marriage counselor told me I do this because I’ve been rejected for 8 years when it comes to problems being resolved). My husband is prescribed oxycodone for multiple back problems. I work in the medical field and am knowledgeable regarding addiction/abuse symptoms. After his dad passed, he started buying Adderall from one of the 3 girls. He told me that he would rather me think I was cheating on him, then for me to find out he was buying Adderall because I would take our son. That should have been his reason to not buy, but he still did.
After his dads passing, I started noticing withdrawal symptoms. Night sweats-real bad, nausea and vomiting, always feeling “blah”, pale, looking like he had the flu. He continues to deny he’s doing anything.
I’ve told him that after his dad passed, he changed. He told me he got “more confident”. The man he is now, is not who I fell in love with and married. That person was so nice, this person is the devil.
2 weeks ago, after our 1st counseling session with our 2nd counselor (he lied to the first one bc he knew him and felt embarrassed) he told me he didn’t want to continue marriage counseling with #2 because he takes my side. This same day, he called me names and screamed at me and told me to go and get divorce papers and he will sign them. 2 days later while I was at work, he moved his stuff out.
He has completely shut down. He acts so evil towards me right now. Like I’ve done something to his father when I bent over backwards and did so much after his passing.

I know this is a lot to throw at you guys. And thank you for reading this crazy ride. I’m at a loss of what to do. He told me that he needs a separation but he’s 100% checked out. For his own bank account, cell phone plan, transferred our dish account to his moms. I’m over here wondering what nightmare I’m in?!?

There are a lot of factors here. Grieving, abusing pills/drugs, mental instability?

I have no clue what to do?

Apt0385 you’re dealing with a lot. Focus on making sure that you’re looking after you first. I know this is more easily said than done ( I should be sleeping) but by looking after you you’ll have the what it takes to move through this. Give yourself time and forgiveness.
I hope this make some sense.

Houston x

In reply to Houston

How absolutely dreadful. The man is an addict and unstable and if you carry on worrying about him you will be codependent. He is trying to blame you for his behaviour, which is what addicts do as they cannot take responsibility for their own actions. There are excuses everywhere to avoid the consequences of the choices he has made. It sounds like your relationship is over. It's hard but I feel you must distance yourself from this man, go no contact and look after yourself.