I'm sorry this post is long, and i'm sorry if I come across as 'woe is me' but
I've lost 5 family member in less than the past 2 years and I just can't snap out of depression.
My much loved Aunt died on March 8th 2017. We knew it was coming but didn't make it any easier. At the same time I was with my Father every day as he too was dying. He passed 15 days after my Aunt on March 21st. He died on the Tues, I sorted his funeral on the Wednesday and then attended her funeral on the Friday.
I managed to get a 15 month break, but in that time I was dealing with my Stepmother who my father had left behind. She wasn't the nicest woman and had me running ragged. I never had chance to grieve for Dad or my Aunt. Then she herself died on 27 June last year. I feel so selfish in that I was relieved I didn't have to deal with her anymore.
Two months later I lost a cousin. I didn't see him but he would phone me often and was wonderful when Dad died. Dad had helped bring him up so they had been close. Now they were both gone.
Then on Dec 2nd last year I lost another cousin. The daughter of my Aunt who'd died. She was just 18months older than me and had been battling cancer for a long time. She was more than a cousin to me, she was the big sister I never had.
I saw her the week before and we both knew it would be the last time. But for me, I can't get past any of it.
I just don't see the point in life anymore. What is the point when we're just going to die anyway? I feel selfish for being buried in depression when I'm actually still alive. My cousin told me 'go live your life' but I can't, my brain won't let me and I feel so bad for that. I'm alive and she isn't, I can live, she can't. Loosing her has been the final straw for me and I just don't know where to start with dealing with it all.
I'm not suicidal I have a wonderful family who I couldn't bare to leave, but I just can't function anymore. I'm crippled with it all. Any advice would be gratefully received. Thank you for reading.