Lost My Soulmate

My darling husband passed away on the 5th December. He'd recently been diagnosed with MND on the 5th Oct after 10 months of symptoms.
I feel guilty at his passing as he wanted to come home 2nd week in hospital ( he was in hospital for 4 weeks ) & I said No you have to stay in as you're too ill. Now I think he knew he wasn't getting better and wanted to pass away at home instead of the hospital ward.
I have that on my conscience.
The house is empty, I'm so lonely after 30 years together. I'm upset everyday, my three kids are also devastated at losing their dad so early in life.
I feel bitter at the disease that has robbed me of years and years without my husband.
My friends are good to me, but a few think I should be out and about now.

I miss holding hands, miss having our special banter we has between us, miss his company and kisses, miss him talking, ( My husband's MND was Bulbar onset so I hadn't heard my husband speak since July )

In reply to MrsP

Hello MrsP,

Welcome to this community. I am so sorry to read that your husband passed away at the beginning of December recently after being diagnosed with MND. This must be an incredibly difficult time for you and for your children.

The feelings you have expressed - guilt, loneliness, bitterness - are all commonly talked about here so you're not alone in what you're experiencing in this community.

This is a safe and supportive space to talk about how you're feeling and I hope you find even a small bit of comfort from exchanging messages with others here. If you have any questions about the site or if there's anything I can support you with, please do get in touch.

Take care,
Eleanor