The mornings!

Thumbs down for the mornings....that time of the day when reality mixes with the remnants of dreams, when your mind is trying to adjust itself to the demands of the new day whilst half awake still exists in a dream which I'm struggling to remember!
I find this time particularly distressing.....the sense that I am not in control of my situation.
I've felt and am aware that others feel like a child after a significant loss. Confidence in self and life kicked squarely in the teeth. Am trying to decipher why this big shift in our view of self. Think I'm making headway in understanding if not overcoming........life as we knew it has been smashed on the rocks. Routine changed. Significant other not around physically. Future seems a blur and a worry. Still worry about the family, friends, the dog, things that need doing, things that should be consigned to the 'not necessary' pile.
All this mess is part of loss. Loss loss loss. Mess mess mess.
So many tears......other people really can't cope with your own emotion for long and I guess that's understandable...your life and loss is not their own. So.......despite the attention of others, you are essentially on your own in this boat called Personal Grief. Now to find a way to sail this baby through the storm and look for calmer waters ahead.
Now woken up and ready to face another day....I think.
Xx

Goodness me Annette I don't think those sentiments could have better written if they had come from the pen of a learned grief professional. I agree wholeheartedly with your observations. Ten minutes ago I had a terribly tearful implosion in which I described myself as feeling like an "alien". Slightly weird I know, but along the same lines as you describe the child like sensation. I also read one of your previous posts where you mention different circumstances require different coping methods, very true again. This understanding is often underestimated by other onlookers. As is the impact of the often unseen secondary losses. I understand you are a not newly bereaved, nor am I. Despite the sadness, you speak with a glimmer of hope in your words and I hope that glimmer grows. All the best. X

*been better written, that sentence should say, sorry I'm not thinking straight!

In reply to Tina19

Hi Tina. Thanks for your reply. It's all a bit strange isn't it....times of painful anguish, times when the love shown by others is overwhelming, times when you think you've got this thing sussed, times when you just want to give up. Basically no sense to alot of it.
I really don't want to live the rest of my life crying on the sofa....do alot of that......so waiting patiently to feel calm enough and keen enough to figure out how to catch a glimpse of happiness again.
Whilst others can help with that process, noone knows you better than you. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.
Xxxx