Nearly two years since losing my mum and it hurts so much

Hiya,

It will be two years in May since I lost my mum unexpectedly.
During this time I was in the beginnings of a divorce and selling my family home so losing my mum in the middle of all that has took its toll on me.
I bought a new home and moved from the place I was brought up in and left the street which also my mum lived on.
The grief I feel is so painful at times and I really miss my mum.
I feel like I can’t speak to anyone as I don’t want to upset my family.
I am going to work everyday and forcing myself to do things on my own. I just feel overwhelmed with everything.

Hi Josey
Firstly, thank you posting this. I for one am helped so much knowing it’s not just me. My mum also died 2 years ago and I am often heard saying to my husband that I feel my griefs getting worse not better. Mum was my best friend. I won’t and actually don’t want to “get over it” don’t think we ever do and someone on here wisely posted that we don’t get over it but we get used to getting on with it. Like you I feel overwhelmed at times and can’t believe mums gone and I find myself seeking that same comfort that only my mum could bring me - in other people. Course it’s not there and I’m left bereft and feel so utterly alone and frightened. I talk to my mum (and dad) and have read others on here saying the same. It helps. I think we have to comfort ourselves in any way possible and in the first year I kept buying myself treats and new clothes. Ended up skint but it helped lol. I think the trouble is a lot of other people assume that as time goes by we are “ok” and dealing with our grief. In my case it couldn’t be further from the truth as two days two weeks two lifetimes .. I will always grieve and miss mum. I do think the stages of grief change though as I switched off totally at first then came anger... then the bouts of sobbing and yearning for her to come back. It’s exhausting. We have to be kind to ourselves and keep talking and posting on here has helped me a lot. Just reading your post today made me think oh I’m not the only one like this 2 years on. Phew. So Thankyou for posting. We will survive this. We do itg for our mums. Take care x

Hi Pen,

Thank you for the message and for being so kind and understanding what we are both going through.
I really relate to everything that you are saying, I did the same spent money on myself to try and fill the massive hole and I thought that would make me feel better.
Some days I feel so lonely and I do t think people understand, due to my divorce I suppose it’s hard as I don’t have a partner to share anything with.
I find myself forcing myself to do things. I am a photographer too as a past time and I have just begun to take myself out again.
I just feel that I don’t have anyone to speak too, so when I found this website I think I was feeling totally overwhelmed that day with my emotions.
Some days I am okay but over the last month I have just felt so sad.
I am making sure I look after myself and I have been told to be kind to myself.
Take care
Josey x

Hi Josey thanks so much for your reply. It’s so nice to know I’m not alone as this can make you feel very alone and vulnerable. I’m so sorry about your divorce too. Been there done that too. Especially hard for you at this time. I hope you have some supportive friends. Sending you a big hug. Oh yes that’s exactly the way I describe it too - trying to fill the hole that’s left in your heart and in your life. I actually feel frightened of life since mum died and I’m suffering bad anxiety. The slightest health problem gets blown out of all proportion and I panic and and convince myself I’m dying too. I fear death and suffering. I talk to my mum a lot and I’m past caring who thinks I’m mad lol. It helps and anything that helps has to be good. Feel free to message me any time. I’m thinking of yiu. X

In reply to Josey87

Hi josey 87

I.ve only joined this today but reading through people's stories has already given me some comfort, knowing that there really are people out there who have been through tough times too and who are grieving like me.
Like you and Pen the other lady who,s been chatting to you, I lost my Mum last May, on top of losing 2 brothers, my Dad and a sister in law in 2 years!!! I was devastated the who way through, as all my family had illnesses which lasted a while, which is torture to have to watch. My Mum, bless her was the absolute Matriarch of the family and the strongest person I have ever known and my anchor, and so when she finally died that was it for me and I finally had to take time out and ended up taking 2 months off work, which I desperately needed.
I hadn't had time to grieve for my losses because I was straight on to looking after the next one and so when mum finally died every horrible emotion under the sun overwhelmed me. I thought I would be feeling better by now, after having counselling and trying to keep busy, but I don't, far from it. In fact some days I think I.m getting worse.
Having that one special person, like your Mum leave you that had always made things better for you is torture and I guess we all just have to do what gets us through each day.
My kids give me strength alot, as I.m divorced too and still single and so can honestly say they have been my new rock and they're what I now focus on.
It's great that this website exists for people like us, as, like you say people think we're OK and don't talk about it to us anymore, when in actual fact we're sobbing inside and are desperate to talk about it.
It.s just about time I guess, and hoping tomorrow will be slightly better than today, and then one day I.m sure it will be ☺
Take care x