non resuscitation

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Morning all,this time last year my wife who had been a kidney patient for 4 years ( dialysis 3days a week 4 hrs at a time) went into a semi-coma I called for an ambulance and one of the first things asked was have you signed for non resuscitation our GP said the same me having called earlier for a visit there same time as ambulance I did not know what they were talking about at the time have read up plenty about it since any Jane was taken to the hospital Renal unit where it was found she had a high magnesium count of 9 bad for Kidney patients normal levels2-5 luckily she responded to the dialysis and was fine until November last when she had breathing difficulties and sadly passed away aged 67 again I was asked by the ambulance people have you signed the non resuscitation form in this day and age how can you sign anything that wouldn't help a loved one I certainly never did who decides this legal euthanasia does anyone have an answer because I am still lost over this even after reading all about it
. Regards again MM69

Hi im so sorry for your horrendous loss it's utterly devastating my loss is very different to yours but there's no words to describe the agony in our lives were just existing second by second I hope you get some answers if that helps in my thoughts take care as much as possible Adele x

In reply to Ade

Hi Adele thankyou for your kind words it seems some people can meet up with grief in different ways recently I met a lady while out taking my dog who said she had got rid of her husbands things within 2-3 weeks best thing she said,another a gentleman who lost his wife 5 years and all he lives for is his dog.
You like me are certainly having difficulty in coming to terms with our loss things that go through your mind ,if i had done this or that would they still be here MM69

Hi there so true this is a wound that will never heal or can be erased how can we ever move on from our soulmates really appreciate your message thankyou I hope your day is kinder to you take care speak soon in my thoughts Adele x

Hi MM, Regarding resuscitation. My husband had cancer but had lived well with it for years, however suddenly he went downhill and immediately I was asked to present Brian with a non-resuscitation form. I refused as I didn't want to think about such a thing or discuss it with him, we were living in hope at this stage. As he became weaker I was constantly asked. When he was so weak and obviously dying I couldn't believe that any paramedics would attempt to resuscitate a dying man that was so weak anyway. His poor body would never have taken it, they would have broken every bone, or so I thought. in his last hours they still insisted that a form be signed. There was no chance I was likely to call an ambulance as it was obvious by now that my husband was soon to pass away and I wanted him to be peaceful at home with me. I even got a phone call about it that last night and then a form was put through my door at 10 pm. He died a few hours later. It seemed to me to be a case of red tape, surely common sense in our case would have been better. I never did open that envelope.

Yes MM everybody deals with their grief in different ways. I also began sorting through my husbands things straight away. I didn't need items to remind me of him he is firmly embedded in my heart. It took weeks running into months as he had so much being a hoarder, and all his hobbies, as I found out. I sold, donated, burned, took to tip for months. It was the way I handled things but I know that others would not like to do it like me. I am also considering selling this house after living here with my husband for thirty years. Where some people can't bear the thought of moving. My dogs have been my saviours and this is the case with many dog owners. Dogs do have the most amazing ability to befriend, love and trust. Take care Pat xxx

So sad to hear in my thoughts dearest Pat x

Hi there,
I'm new to here but your post touched a chord with me.
My husband died 16 months ago suddenly one awful night.
He had been diagnosed with lung cancer but we thought he had many months or even years left to live. He was only 69.
That night out of the blue on new years eve with no warning he suffered a fatal haemorrhage.
His death was almost instantaneous.
I was completely hysterical, luckily his friend was here who called for an ambulance.
The ambulance men tried to rescussitate him but all the time I was being asked have you got a yellow card ? I didn't know what they meant. I said no I don't have one.
But they persisted. They kept asking for a yellow card. One even said he would help me look for it and started to rummage through my cupboards.
By this time I was completely freaked out so to speak and screamed I don't have one..
Please just save him.
They couldn't, they tried but he didn't respond.
The yellow card i found out later was a card he would be given in hospital that said he didn't want to be recussitated if he died.
I never saw one and I don't know if he signed one.
I don't think I will ever get over that night.
The police came and questioned his friend and I because their was so much blood,
They asked a million questions. I was numb with shock and could barely answer.
The funeral went by in a haze and 16 months on i still cry. I miss him so much.
You are not alone. Your circumstances are similar to mine. You asked who decides this legal euthanasia. I don't know. Not me or you.

take care.

In reply to Junie

Hi Junie many thanks for your reply very sorry to hear about your bereavement I get very steamed up about this subject and I know it encompasses many health issues my wife was 5'10" weight 92 kgs strong in mind and body or as I thought in the case of my Jane how did she feel when she could plainly hear the ambulance man asking where was this non resuscitation form .
In my case I feel guilty,confused about this I elected to follow the ambulance in my car thinking all may be well and she would just be admitted (hospital 10 miles from home)when I arrived at A&E I had to wait in a room until the doctor in charge of Janes case came along again that sodding non resuscitation form was again mentioned I said all I want at the moment is to see Jane bugger something like that,unfortunately she had passed away seconds before I reached her and never had chance to say goodbye,then few days later was told the coroner was to be involved because the doctors who were in A&E that night had not made a report on Janes condition and they had gone on holiday the next day they could ask for that form but not put a report in this day and age on a computer,after all that Jane passed away on November 3rd and it was the 29th before we could have the funeral,it as all been a nightmare and as you do miss her so much it hurts me myself would like to know who is top of the line to make these decisions. Regards MM69

In reply to Junie

Horrendous, absolutely horrendous that is what I am thinking as I have read your message. You must be absolutely traumatised. I am so sorry that you had to go through such a terrible time. I hope that one day you will find peace.
In my husband's case I knew that he wasn't strong enough to be resuscitated. It would have been pointless but in your husband's case it might have saved his life. What's happened to common sense instead of searching for a yellow card. If there is a chance then never give in. B....r the yellow card. For my husband there was just no point and even I could see that.
Love to you Pat

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