Recent loss

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I lost my hubby recently. We'd been together for over 46 years, married for 42 of them. At first I felt I was coping
but just recently I feel so many emotions and a realisation of what it all means. I'm lucky to have lots of friends who are very supportive but somehow I can't talk honestly about my mixed up feelings. I'm new to this site and have read some wonderful comments. We all deal with things in our own way but it's so good to share.

Hi, I have recently lost my husband of 46 years, and also am experiencing a range of emotions, sadness, loneliness, longing for him, although I am so lucky to have good friends and family too. I am trying to get on with life without him, and it is so hard. I have not really accepted that he will not be coming back. Everything seems overwhelming at the moment and the future feels very empty. He was only ill for a few weeks, before that he was very strong and active. When he went into hospital, we thought he would be out in a week, but sadly he deteriorated rapidly and died after 10 days. We are all still in shock. It is so difficult to explain how hopeless everything feels at the moment, and how inadequate I feel, when usually I can cope with most things. I am new to the site tonight, and try to stay up as late as I can, so that I can fall asleep out of exhaustion when I eventually go to bed. Everyone says that we go through a pattern of grief, and there are different phases to cope with. At the moment I am feeling quite numb, then sobbing at the slightest thing. Crying does help. Take care.

In reply to Orsedd

Hi,
I know how you feel. I feel exactly the same myself. I'm still in shock, it's 8 weeks now and I haven't dealt with it, or even excepted what happened. I have 3 children and i also feel inadequate. I know my children would have been better off if it was me that had passed. My husband was such a lovely man, kind, caring, and very intelligent.
I hope you feel stronger soon, and more able to cope.

BW Lesley

In reply to Connie

Hi Conie

Really sorry for your loss. It's such a difficult thing to deal with. My emotions are all over the place, one minute I think I can cope, then I'm falling apart. It's a scary thought being on my own heading towards old age. I hope you find the strength to get through.

BW Lesley

Thank you for your kind words. I can see you are up late too. Please do not say that your children would be better off if you had gone first. I am sure they wouldn't like to lose you. 8 weeks is a short time but it probably feels like a lifetime. I have my husband's picture on my phone and take it/him with me everywhere. I keep talking to him and asking him to help me. I have so much that I wish I had said to him but didn't. After so many years together we took each other for granted. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and I just wish I could have a day or an hour to talk to him again.
We quarrelled bitterly sometimes and I feel guilty now but we had very happy times as well and we loved each other. Please do not punish yourself more. You are suffering enough. It is so tough to get through this. How old are your children? Are they coping? My prayers are with you. Hope tomorrow is a bit better than today, and the next day better than tomorrow.
This feeling of loss is horrible.

In reply to Orsedd

Yes I stay up late every night. I can’t stand lying in bed awake. My children are, my son Alex is 25 and twin girls 22. They are great kids. I would say they are coping ok, better than me. I say they would be better with their dad around because he was just so wise and really funny. He would be stronger than me. I am just falling apart. I am lucky that we are all so close.
Don’t worry about the arguments you had, but married life. Just hold on to the good times you had.
Have you got children? How long had you been together?

Lesley

Hi Lesley
We were together for 47 years, married 46 years. Two adult children, 44 and 36. Both taken the loss badly. I am lucky to have friends and family around but I just want to be back to normal although that will never be. I want to be on my own for a while but then feel totally lost. I suppose I was spoiled by him in lots of ways. I miss him being around to talk to and tell him things, everyday chat. I miss cuddlying and having hugs. He was a pain in many ways, totally untidy, disorganised but friendly, loving and kind to everyone. This sounds totally selfish but we were always together and he compensated for me and my shortcomings and I did the same whenever I could. I always felt young for my age (67) until now. Now I just see loneliness ahead for a long time. It would be easy to give up but that is not possible.
You must be a lot younger than I am. It must be even worse for you. I am sorry for rambling on but this is the most honest conversation I have had in weeks. It helps a bit to know that I am experiencing similar feelings that others have. We all look so normal outside but I feel I want to scream inside. Hope you get to sleep eventually. Thanks for listening.

In reply to Orsedd

Hi
What I would give to have my old life. We were very happy together. Holding hands, laughing about silly things. We didn’t need anyone else. Just us and the kids, we did lots together aa a family. In some ways I miss not doing much, just watching tv, or just chatting. The every day stuff.
I am 54 and Richard was 55, we have by together nearly 40 years. He wasn’t ill, not that we knew, he had a fatal heart attack. It was such a massive shock. It’s hard to comprehend it’s happened.

Lesley

Hi Lesley
I am so sorry to hear that your husband's death was so sudden. We just don't know what could happen to us during the course of a day. We are never prepared for such an event and I can't imagine how you must be feeling. At least I had a chance to say our goodbyes and was in the hospital when he suffered cardiac arrest following a week of agony and horrific pain which we have now been told was an aggressive form of cancer which had spread throughout his organs so quickly.
This is the first time I have used a chat room and it helps to know that someone is out there who understands.
I am here for you if it helps. God bless.

Thanks. I don't know what's worse, I wouldn't have wanted him to have suffered, but I wish I could of said good bye, and told him I loved him one more time. Luckily we did say 'I love you' all the time.
I does help to talk about this with someone that actually knows how it really feels.

Thank you for your company during the night.

Lesley

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