Running from the pain


I came across this article about dealing with pain, and it struck a chord as I know I keep myself busy to try to out run the pain of losing my dad. I can see myself doing it but can’t seem to stop myself.
Can anyone relate? And what do you do to have the courage to stop the busy-ness and face the pain/ sadness?

Hello Houston. Sorry you are feeling so bad, I understand. I haven't read this article but I will. I have been doing what you for the past 25 months and it's awful isn't it. I've begun to think that's it's one thing to experience grief but it's quite another to confront it. I can't bear to sit alone with my thoughts but you get weaker with all the"running". The grief will wait patiently for us though, for however long it takes, until we manage to face it unfortunately. I'm really sorry I can't find anything positive to offer you but I just wanted you to know that someone else knows what you mean through personal experience. You aren't going crazy because possibly there are maybe times when it feels this way. Its a bit like living in a limbo state as well, like a stalemate, I feel. I wish I knew the answer as I would willingly share it. I really hope the next few days are peaceful ones for you, as much as they can be. Take care Houston, keep talking if it helps.

Ah, but the bear got me and ripped by heart out...

Hi Houston

Thanks for posting that link. It really struck a chord with me. I lost my hero, my dad in May 17 then my mum in May this year. I have been on a complete roller coaster of an emotional ride and I've learnt so much about life and myself.

I think I have faced grief head on rather than avoiding it and I think, overall, it is helping. The things I find particularly help are writing my emotions down (here or in a notebook) talking to anyone who will listen and just allowing the emotions to roll. Plus reading everything and everything about grief.

Don't be scared to just sit and think about your dad. I believe we all have so many tears to get rid of before we heal and we just have to face the bear to get them out.

I'm rambling now....sorry.

I hope your bear is kind to you. I'm sure your dad would be proud of you for reaching out for help.

Ann xx

Thank you Ann
I’m sorry about the loss of both your parents in a relatively short amount of time. I admire your courage and strength to face your grief head on.
When I do allow myself to face and feel the grief it’s usually around 3am, and sometimes it’s not as bad as I’ve imagined it to be. I do think about writing in a journal but not taken the leap scared of what I may find. Knowing what could help and actually doing it are two different things.
Thank you for your ramblings,
Houston x

My heart goes out to you Crazy Kate, I feel the same way.
What has surprised me is the intensity of the emotions internally and physically- it can be overwhelming
Be gentle with yourself. -I wish I would take my own advice more.
Houston x

In reply to Tina19

Tina19 you’ve pretty put down the way I’m feeling into words.
Logically I know it would be better for me to stop the busy-ness, it’s another to have the courage to go through the grief. I guess it’s a journey we need to choose to go through, even though we didn’t choose to lose our loved one, and trust everything will be ok.
Thank you.
You take care as well

I hope today is kind to you Houston. I note what time you sent the reply so I'm thinking you maybe feeling troubled and unable to sleep. It's not good is it. I fell that by delaying my grief I'm bringing on dreadful anxiety symptoms but there's no common sense and logic in grief is there? Sending warm wishes. x

*feel, goodness me I'm making such a lot of errors and I haven't even been drinking. Besides, I'd make a miserable drinker I think.

In reply to Tina19

Thank you Tina19, It’s been a lovely quite day after the hustle and bustle of the last couple of days. I get sleep in spurts at the moment and being on line is a way to keep running. I definitely feel that delaying facing my feelings brings on being anxious. I guess it’s a great lesson how to be your own friend - kindness to myself is harder than showing it to others.
How have you been today?