THE 'YO YO' EFFECT.

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I think we all know what a Yo Yo is. Up and down, up and down. Now isn't that like we all feel? One day we may wake up and think, gosh, I feel a bit better this morning, but come evening and we are back in the old groove. It depends a lot on our bodies and the energy we use. It's our metabolism that varies so much. It's very low in the mornings after a sleep, and rises during the day so that, by evening, we may feel a little relief, only to awaken next day feeling low.
I think the recognition of these symptoms of grief as being part of the bereavement process is important. This happen a lot in anxiety, and I doubt few of us don't have some anxiety in the circumstances. The mood swings do level out, given time, but are so difficult to come to terms with at first.
I feel that true acceptance is the answer to a lot of emotional problems. It's not ignoring the feelings and emotions. That's not possible. It's like trying to push a cork under water, it will keep bobbing up elsewhere. Acceptance means going with the feeling and thoughts however bad they may feel. Very difficult I know. Bend with the wind of grief. If you try and adopt a stiff upper lip attitude you will surely fail. Trees break if they don't bend! Cry when you want; talk to those who understand, but don't set up resistance to what is after all a natural process.
Love and Blessings.

Oh Jonathan, how did you know I was having one of those YoYo times. After feeling quite pleased with myself for the past nearly three weeks, suddenly on Saturday afternoon I felt that dip. No reason, had been fine all day, walking with the dogs and then happily planting Broccoli plants on my hands and knees and just felt this, well, I honestly don't know what to call it. I do know that I went home feeling awful and yesterday and today has been no better, so very tearful. Last time I felt like this it took me three days to come out of it and after that I was fine again, well as fine as you get. I keep thinking I've nailed it, starting to see a glimmer of a light and then darkness descends again. I am remembering not to fight it though. I go to the cemetery every day (it's just down the road) and talk to Brian, had a good old cry this morning, tell him how I feel and even put some of the blame on him. He's used to that so won't mind.
Many thanks you really do help me. Pat xxx

I agree with you both, feel positive for a little while, you put what we feel so perfectly Yo Yo effect. I had a complete melt down yesterday, Johnathon you write so well what we all feel, enjoy reading your posts.

Jonathan.

you are so right. That is exactly what grief is doing to me. My life is in permanent yo yo time with a few twists on the way and going also sideways with little direction.
Observing how the yoyo goes up, it demands a bit of effort and can be hold by keeping your hand tight . Let it free,
and it goes down so easily and quickly and, It would remain down if we font try again.
I enjoy reading your posts. Thanks

Is there a book by "Jonathan 123"?

I cry as soon as I am out of bed, the reality Richard is not here, he is not in his bedroom yet I leave his bedroom door wide open night and day, the room is now so so empty...The reality of getting through another day without him in my life is always the first thing on my mind...Yes the yo yo effect, depending if I find anything of importance to do, such as paperwork, post and bills to sort out, this takes my mind off things, I have a purpose, something that needs doing and I try to keep things up to scratch, I dont want things piling up, I try to keep organised..Then there are the moments when I focus on Richard, the things I want to say to him but cant say face to face, the things, the guilt of things I had said that I want to tell him I didn't mean it, I just want you to know I never meant it...I just torture myself that all these things should have been said long time ago when he was still here...I dont seem to have a pattern to my emotions, my breaking down and crying, I am constantly talking to him, telling him if something gave me problems, or if that went well, to plan...and things I have now paid and got sorted, I tell him not to worry over me as I am getting a top-up to my state pension, I will now have enough to cover the bills...but I do tell him I am terrified of my future now without him in it, I tell him I want him and I need him, I tell him its not his fault that he is not with me, he didn't leave me, not one of us could see that morning that that morning was going to be his last...I even believe that when he was fighting taking his last breath, all he had on his mind was that he couldn't leave me to look after myself, he did not have one selfish bone in his body, whatever he done he done it for me, he would always put me first...Yes life for me is now a yo-yo but there is no pattern I am up and down through each and every day..There is not one day I dont start bawling my eyes out, sometimes just once, often 2-3 or 4 times when I hanker back to our best times, our best years, when we had the 3 dogs, our health, our bricks and mortar house...or if I- we had done various things differently...but we cant go back, we cant put the clocks back...we ave no choice but to carry on, move forwards because our time too will eventually come to its end, the only downside is that our partner-hubby or wife wont be around to pick up the pieces as we are now doing with a broken heart, a piece of our heart is now broken and forever will be the man-woman we have now lost...

Jackie..

I've accepted that grief is forever and I'm fine with that. I've also realised that too much introspection and self pity is not good for my state of mind. It's a bit like sticking pins into yourself and being surprised it hurts. It's almost 10 months since Carolyn died, and during that time I have tried to build strategies to ensure that I don't experience such debilitating lows and that I know how to find things that engage me sufficiently to find interest and enjoyment.Distraction is good.
I know that somehow I need to drive things forward as I can't rely on anybody else to change things for me. It's not just going to drop into my lap.
Over the past ten months I can see that I am different, or should that be feel. It's a lot of little things that have worked together to achieve that. I now believe that, given time, I can feel even more different. I still get lows but they aren't as deep and they don't last as long, and I have some fresh memories of things I've done on my own to switch to when I need to.
Just recently I've spent many days on my own, sometimes not speaking to anyone. Some days I find that more difficult than others. I try not to think it's pointless and I try to find meaning in things.
Using the analogy of the yoyo I would say I'm holding it in a more elevated position. The highs are higher, and the lows aren't as low.

Oh Jackie, please don't flog yourself with such memories and thoughts. My heart goes out to you with my love. It's a hard and difficult time, but as YL says, it does pass. The pain remains, but the ups and downs are not so pronounced. Never worry about crying. I still do now and then when a memory strikes. It's normal and natural and can be a release of negative energy. You will be up and down for some time because your emotions are still raw. Your feelings are very deep, but try and look ahead even if only a little. That nasty dark cloud will move on as impossible it may seem at the moment. May I give you a hug? Well I will anyway. Hugs.

Jonathan...
...yes of course you can give me hug...sending hugs back to all who are needing one today...(((hugs))) I think that will be all of us...

Jackie..

I haven't posted anything to you before, but have read all your posts and I think you have wonderful way of putting in words how we all feel. Keep posting!
Take care. Janet. X

Thank you Jonathan,
You are like a virtual counsellor for all of us..
Big Hug for you too x

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