It Wasn't Peaceful

Hi,

My husband's passing was traumatic for myself and 3 kids. He had MND, bulbar onset, he was admitted to hospital for feacal impaction but died from respiritory failure and what I would describe as in pain. My poor darling was in pain and lasted 40 minutes after sedation, he turned purple as he was gasping for breath.
Towards the last 10 minutes I asked for more pain relief for my husband, his eyes rolled upwards and stayed there until he passed. We couldn't look at him, I placed a towel over his eyes, I was assured by the Dr that at this stage he'd be unconscious. I played with his beard and whispered sweetly in his ear, his breathing went slower and slower until it stopped. I remember screaming and sobbing, the pain I felt was horrific and had to be calmed down. My husband turned yellow as minutes ticked by. The Dr said this was Sepsis in his body. I'd read up beforehand on what happens when people are sedated before they pass and it was nothing what we witnessed. I know everyone is different but I wish it would of been more serene, or even in his sleep. I've never seen anybody pass before so it's all still a shock and we're all having counselling.

In reply to MrsP

I know how your feeling. The traumatic side of the passing is only one of a few reasons I'm on here looking for support. From what you have said I believe you have been beyond strong and would like to say your not alone in how you are feeling. x

Thank you for replying. I do feel like I'm the only one as I've read a few stories of end of life and none was like what we saw. X

I want to send you a hug first of all. The traumatic side of it is something that just seems to stick with me from my mum passing. “Passed away peacefully” is usually used but could be further from the truth in a lot of cases. We certainly were not prepared for who my mum passed. It’s been 4 years now and I still have nightmares about it. (I’ve only just found this community and I’m seriously struggling, although it’s heart breaking seeing all you people on here, there is also something comforting to find people who really do know how I feel and what I went through)
I wish I had the words to help you, but I really don’t. All I can do is let you know we are here for you and yes we know what it’s like. No human being should ever have to go through this!!xx

My heart goes out to all here. I am so sorry for what you had to witness. My younger sister went a year doing quite well with cancer, and we had so much hope. One night in May 2018, she felt ill so we got her to the hospital for fluids and observation. We thought she would be there only overnight, but through the night she got worse. By morning a code was called, lights flashing in the hall, code to her room number shouted over the intercom, medical team running with the crash cart, fervently pumping her chest, calling for injections, all the while I am holding her hand, begging her to please come back and reminding her we had plans for her birthday, in two more days. Then that dreaded sound as she flat-lined, and it was over. My sweet younger sister and best friend was gone. In the distance I heard the medical team saying "so sorry, we could not save her." I will never get those images out of my head. I suffer from flashbacks and have rarely had a good night's sleep since she died. I know others are experiencing the nightmares and trauma of losing their loved one in way that was far from peaceful.
My little sister deserved a dignified death, not the chaotic scene that was her last moments on earth. I felt so helpless as they worked" on her that night. I wanted to push everyone out of the room, and gently and lovingly bring her back. A fantasy, I know, but the realty is just too harsh. It is too cruel. It should have been me, so she would be spared. Thank you all for being here to support me and each other. Sad Sister2

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