The C word. "Christmas"

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Hello.

I'm looking to share ideas on how to deal with Christmas as it is looming over us and I find it a very difficult time of year so want to get prepared to face it head on.

Loooong story cut short....I lost my wonderful dad in 2017 then 6 weeks later my wonderful mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer and I lost her a year later. I'm an only child so I have a tiny family and I have a lot of resentment issues with my in laws which makes it even worse.

We all used to spend Christmas together, my parents and my husband's parents and us but now the rituals have been thrown up in the air.

I have a son so can't just stop "doing christmas" but the pressure to bite my lip with the in laws on such an emotional day is hard and I am already worrying about it.

I've wondered whether I can invite someone else over to change the dynamic. A lonely neighbour for example but not sure they would come.

Anyway, I'm rambling now but just wondered how you lovely lot are planning to cope with Christmas and loss at the same time.

Much love
Ann xx

Hi Ann. I really don't know how I'm going to cope with Christmas this year the thought of it frightens me so much,
I was married for 45 years and lost my husband Roger three months ago, so for all those years I cooked Christmas dinner for just him and me and in laws to start with then three children then son and daughter in laws and grandchildren
The kids have been great suggesting I go to theres but I just want to crawl into bed and wake up when it's all over with
Will be nice to see how others have coped over the years

Linda xxx

I to am dreading Christmas my husband died 18 December last year, Christmas is a blur, my whole family came to ours as always, but I dint really remember much it was autopilot arranging and doing christmas and also sorting funeral out and everything that goes with that, 2 days after Christmas it all became to much and I spent 2 days in bed, I am dreading it so much this year, December is my husbands birthday, then the anniversary of his death then Christmas without him, I know I will be surrounded by people who love me, i wish I could just skip December and go straight to January take care Jan x

I have always loved Xmas but mum died 6 weeks ago and I’m dreading. I have to children so I need to keep going. So we are going to go to my cousins and all her children. Mums sister will be there. Dad is coming. It will be noisy and full of Xmas fun for the kids. I will be empty inside though. X

Last year was one of the best Christmases we had ever had, this year will be hard, I have a lot of firsts before then but I will do what I always do plus my hubbies jobs because Christmas was his favourite time of year and my family (not me ) need to know that we will celebrate it as normal, my granddaughter needs normality. It won’t be easy but it will be necessary. X

Yes exactly it’s a necessity for the children. My two children need to enjoy it. And my mum wouldn’t want it any other way.

Jooles children follow our example my view I can weep when I am alone, for them it is a time to remember Grandad with love and happy memories. I made a Christmas tree out if a pallet we have put lights on it and my grandaughter wants to write a message on it for her grandad, it will be her rememberence tree.

Silverlady. My cousin said the same. Children look to adults to see how they handle situations like this. I send them off to school and I cry at home. They have seen me cry but they have also seen me get up and get on with the day. Xmas is all about the children so we will do it for them even though Xmas for me will never be the same agAin.

I know Hun but you have to create a memories for your little ones, why not create a tradition around your Mum so that they you and she can connect every Christmas, I make snowmen out of socks and let them decorate them X

My husband (Mr Christmas!) died 29 Aug 2018, leaving me a widow at 51 and his daughters aged 19 and 22. We are now facing Christmas number 2 without him. So, my advice to those of you facing the first Christmas alone is do what your gut is telling you to do and do not let anyone pressurise you to do something different. We decided to do our own thing - telling grandparents and siblings not to count on seeing us. This took immense pressure off our shoulders. In the end we had a long lie, followed our usual Christmas morning routine ( minus Dad), went for a long walk and had our Christmas meal at 6 pm ( girls horrified - far too late by their book). We then, spur of the moment went to friends in the evening and played Trivial Pursuit. My husband was utterly brilliant at that game! This year we are going out for our Christmas meal with my Mum. DO WHAT YOUR GUT TELLS YOU TO DO. Finally, the anticipation is far worse than the day. Hope this helps. Cx

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