A little Perspective...


I recently read a story in 'AfterTalk' and I felt absolutely desperate for the lady who had been in a fatal car accident. The accident took the lives of her two young daughters, ages 6 and 8, it left her surviving teenage daughter a paraplegic and her husband wheelchair bound. That poor, poor lady. How does she have the strength to face each day? Does caring for her two remaining loved ones provide her with the strength she needs?

We all need some perspective and that's not to diminish our own losses, nothing can ever do that and this story probably won't help those in the first throes of bereavement. But to so someone such as myself, two years along, it has certainly provided me with some perspective. The story has had a profound effect on me and I can shift this lady, this wife and mother, from my mind. I hope you don't mind me sharing it with you but you are the people I felt who could perhaps have some understanding.

In reply to Crazy Kate

Oh yes Kate. I understand. My old grandad used to say, 'if you look hard enough you will always find someone worse off than you'. Whether it be health or anything else it's true.
That story is heartbreaking, it really is. How do you cope with that? I'm not surprised you can't forget it. I doubt any of us, bereaved as we are, can possibly imagine that women's pain. I know it may not diminish our own grief, but as you say, it does put things into perspective. Thanks Kate, a sad story, but perhaps one we need to think about.

Thanks Jonathan, I knew you would understand. I was a little worried about posting for fear of offending. I guess the need was more mine really with regards to sharing. Xx

I too understand Kate. I'm pleased you put this message up. My darling wife died aged 71yrs. of pancreatic cancer but as she told me earlier " I've had my three score years and ten." ( Apparently a biblical quotation ?) although Anne wasn't religious. Some poor souls pass so young or in tragic circumstances. Goodness knows how there love ones deal with it! It certainly puts things into perspective when one hears of the tragic story you told us.
Love and Light.

I will never forget a BBC news report where they were talking to and telling the story of a man in Syria that had just lost his wife, his five kids and his house to a missile. He had nothing left. Some stories just stick and won't go away.

Thanks Kate we need reminding. We need to be reminded that there are other people in so much pain, it's not just us.
Pat xxx

Hope you don't mind me bringing this up again but yet again I think we might need reminding.
Last night on the news, yet again fighting and bombing. I came in where a man had lost his wife, 6 yr old daughter, mother and sister as well as his house. He had no where to go and no food. How do people manage to live through such tragedy. It makes me ashamed when I have a 'feeling sorry for myself moment'.
Pat xx

Dear Pat, I absolutely agree. So much tragedy in the world. However, even you are entitled to feel sorry for yourself. Although not on the same scale as the story you mention or indeed the one I and YL mentioned, our losses are still massive and life changing. A little perspective... thanks Pat. Much love xx

I sympathise and empathise with everyone who has lost someone, child, parent, partner, sibling, entire family as in so many tragedies.

I don't feel sorry for myself but it's not a contest of " whose loss is the worst " .
Each loss is so personal and looking at others who've suffered multiple losses brings me no comfort at all.

My loss has destroyed me and the rest of my life.
That's not self pity that's a fact I live with every day and sleepless night.

Whatever and wherever your loss I wish you well. J

All loss whatever shape or form it comes in, is 'trauma' to those who are grieving but totally agree with Kate there is always perspective to be had on loss. A saying springs to mind 'there for the grace of God go I'. Even amongst our own individual grief what it teaches us is a deeper compassion for others who also experience loss.
I have a friend whose son was brutally murdered in Thailand in 2014 and was (still is) a high profile case on a world stage as the 2 suspects have been sentenced to death. (It's a long story but we found each other through compassion) I can't comprehend her losing a son in these circumstances and yet she still has the ability to support me with my own loss and we say to each other that regardless of the differences, we still feel the same pain, the same heartbreak and go through the same journey of grieving. The importance of our friendship is we have supported each other through it because an emotion equals an emotion, pain is pain, heartbreak is heartbreak. It doesn't differ. I have supported her through year's of trials and she has supported me through loss of my family. We cry, we laugh, we rage and we reflect. We have never met but we are still here for each other 5 years later. We bleed the same blood