Does this ever end?

Pages

Just having my first cry of the morning, sitting on Richards bed looking outthe window at this years lovely lilac coloured flowers, tellingRichrd look at those flowers, we have a lot of them this year, you love your flowers, you would really like them, then i am telling him I will have to sell up and move eventually but for the first time you will not be coming with me and this is breaking my heart..we had always moved home together...next time I will be making this journey alone...a am just missing him much...as we are all terribly missing our loved ones...I keep expecting him to be laying in his bed and me moaning to him about the time he lays in bed, told him I would still moan at him, nothing would change there...yes even this silly moans i am missing, they were all harmless and yet so pointless..

Jackie..

In reply to Sadme

Hello Sadie I read your post this morning and couldn't answer then as I was screaming for my husband who passed 12 weeks ago. I too wish I could offer you some comfort but I am actually wanting time to pass so I can join him. I have joined keep fit and little Sunday clubs, take anti depressants and the pain is overwhelming. I went for counselling too and was told I hide behind my tears. I don’t even know what that means and am more upset when I leave. The only glimmer and I mean glimmer is going to a spiritualist church which I have never done before. I get some healing there which I think calms me a bit and speak to people who convince me I will see Colin again. Without that I would be with him now I’m sure. Keep writing on here as often as you need someone will always answer you there are nice people. I wish you peace and to everyone suffering a breakthrough in this hell. Hugs Kate xxxx

Katie: this is not my post, but I just wanted to say that your grief is so like I felt, after I lost my father, then mother. I screamed. I wanted to die, and join them. I was beside myself, and shut myself off, from the world. Isolating from stupid, happy people was my only defense. I withdrew for about three years, and it is only three years later, that I feel robust? It takes a long time. And you just have to let time help you. I finally am at the point where I am even ready to part with some things, and go on. And, I am an only child. I just wanted to say also that I was no where near ready to heal, until now. And I never let anyone tell me, including family, how long I should grieve, or how.

In reply to berit

Thank you for taking the time to answer I do appreciate it. I keep asking God to show me where Colin is. I know he will be so upset at how I am dealing with this but I can’t help it the pain some days is excrutiating. I can’t imagine suffering this for years. I have no real support no one wants to talk now and I feel they think I should be over it. My friend whom I worked with has been supportive as she has gone through it but that’s it. Again I thank you. Love Kate xx

No this will never end for us, it has for our loved one, he-she is at peace now, we are not, nor ever will be...Oh yes, we are still here breathing another day, and our day too will come but, oh what a lonely and empty existence we are now enduring...

Jackie..

Hi Jackie. Yes it is an empty and lonely existence for some, but I have found that if I reach out help and understanding is there, as it is here on this site. I have lost some so called friends on the way, but the new ones I have found are so much more aware of grief than those who have gone. Everyone is so kind at first, but when the funeral is over they drop away. It's all out there, the help and understanding, but it won't come to us. We may have to seek it out.
We may never be totally at peace, that may not be possible for some, but I still feel that some peace is possible if we allow it to happen. Time only will tell. Accepting the situation and trying to move on can make this horrible journey less painful.
Best wishes.

Jonathan...
...over the last few weeks I have gone to a brand new church hoping to settle and get more closer to God, only for the first church to try palming me off to another church ( not one of theirs ) because it is nearer, yest when I have asked for the lack of transport, they take all my details but still wont come to my aid in helping to get me in, same as the previous church, my newfound forever church, they are all aware of my predicament ( lost my partner, have MS, taken back his car, my isolation down in the park-homes valley miles from nowhere) yet no one is coming forwards as to getting me in the next couple of weeks, yet they are aware how much I want to get to their church each week...I am feeling very abandoned from all things churches...

Jackie...

Jackie, I can understand how you feel. You certainly have had a bad experience with your church. My experience has been different. Are there no societies you can join for MS sufferers who may be able to help? It often seems we are abandoned but we never really are. But you need practical help at the moment.
It's difficult to know what to suggest. But I wish you well and hope you may be feeling a bit more relief once you get all the paperwork out of the away.

Jonathan...
...yes I am a member of our local MS Society, they have a monthly evening meeting but as usual this time of the year their is nothing for August...I am lucky as so far a lovely committee member who doesn't have MS herself has come to collect me these last two months but they are trying to find other means of getting me in for the future but so far having no luck...again it is all down to how far out I am living...

Jackie..

In reply to Sadme

Hello Sadie I lost my husband four years ago and I am still grieving and like you I can’t see things getting better. I feel that he was robbed of life he was only 63. We did a lot together as we loved to travel we were not well off but we spent what we had visiting places that interested us. The memories I have are bitter sweet as they make me feel the loss but I am glad we spent what we had doing this instead of on material things. I am still working although I am still suffering from an illness I had when he died. I still travel even though it is not the same . Until I joined the group I didn’t realise there were so many of us with these feelings. I don’t know if there are any answers I try to think that he would not want me to feel like this but I often fail but I do try. I still talk to him which makes me feel like a mad woman. I wish I could comfort you but all I can say is keep trying - not to get over it but to live with it and perhaps to realise that to feel such pain shows how much you loved. I know that my husband loved me and it is a privilege to have loved and been loved. I am glad he went before me as I would not have wanted him to feel like this. May you find some peace xxx

Pages