Forgotten part of grief


Hi I have been on this site for a few months now and the help, kindness and understanding has helped so much. I have realised thru talking to people and experience that once you start to feel again, past the shock the guilt the despair these emotions change but one that doesn't despite the length of time is the loneliness. First it is the loneliness of missing your loved one (constant) then the loneliness of the future (unknown) the loneliness of your reality changing, the loneliness of greed(people wanting things from you or your loved one) the loneliness of family (getting on with their own lives quite rightly) the loneliness of the friends that go missing. The loneliness of guilt. After a certain length of time people seem to think you should be not necessarily over it but should be moving on, am I the only one who thinks this is one of the hardiest parts.................the loneliness regardless of time?

In reply to Silverlady

Hi Silverlady the words moving on seem so empty to me without my wife Jane we were never going to revolutionize retirement being in our late sixties the thoughts of doing things together visiting new places were plans that now have gone out of my mind I tend to worry more about things being on my own mostly our little dog I'm 70 soon she is 3 1/2 the thoughts of her going to someone else if anything happens to me ,the worry of having to face mediocre things in the time I have left going places,meeting people without Jane there scares me silly.
. There is nothing I need or want except the impossible so life for me will be the same in future years I'm afraid .
Regards again MM69

My hubby was going to retire this year and I was going to go part time, we thought about revolutionizing things but decided on a cup of tea first! You have plenty of time and life to live, make the most of it and your little dog ( my has been my life saver). I too am scared but I have tried to do things like sitting alone in the cinema, difficult but I did it and I enjoyed the film, it got me out of the house, the scariest thing about being scared is doing nothing, i found that my fear just grew like driving an automatic instead of a im throwing the old jaloppy around the country lines. Take care x

ps i have the word moving on prefer the words moving forward x

Hi Metalmicky,
I'm 73 and lost Anne nearly 2 months ago after 50yrs of marriage. I don't have a dog anymore but I empathise 100% with your sentiments entirely. Life for me will be the same in future years as I could only ever love one woman but she has been taken from me.
Love and Light

Hi both
I do believe that there are many factors that determines how you proceed in your future,unfortunately the loss of a loved one can hit at any age, hopefully i have another 40years to go I would like to think i might be able to share that with someone on some level but i also understand that some can't. i would like to think that companionship is something that you will or could experience again if it felt right for you. i will never love another as i did my husband he was the ying to my yang. be safe.

Hi. I lost my husband 5months ago he had just turned 65. Im 53 and makeing a new life to me is something i dont want to do.
I sat in the garden yesterday i was so lonley, even when i am with people i still feel lonley he is not there next ro me. So no you are not alone i do know how you feel.

Yes I feel the same. The loneliness of being on my own and being that extra plus 1 all the time. My husband passed away 18months ago now and I still don't feel as if I'm moving forward with regard to this loneliness. My days are busy busy busy as much as possible, but the evenings and nights are tough.

In reply to LindaC

Hi Linda
After only two and a half months since my husband passed away I feel the same as you . He was just 66 and I had my 65 birthday the day before he died . We had one year of retirement but the loneliness is the worst feeling . those times on your own you think about what you were going to do where you were going to go missing those chats about the day and most of the time I just go to bed very early in the evenings . If I don’t cry on a day then I feel guilty as I don’t want to get used to his passing away . Family and friends are wonderful but as everyone has said nobody really understands what you go through until it happens to them . People sometimes say are you doing better now and moving forward but all that does is annoy me it’s not like losing an item this was my life my soulmate my best friend how can you move forward so quickly . Reading other people’s thoughts is reassuring in a way that shows me I am not the only one with these feelings and it is ok to be like this . Take care .

We all need people. We all need each other. However big the crowd, even in the middle of a big city we can still feel lonely after suffering in this way.
I'm not gregarious and I don't like crowds, but I do need folk around me. Nothing can ever make up for the only person I ever felt comfortable with.
I have had amazing help, from neigbours, and the folk in the community I live in.
Mornings are still painful. It's been 10 months now and I still feel bad when I get up. Strangely, the evenings are when I do gather some hope. I know it's still early days.
Us humans were never meant to be alone. No wonder the worse punishment is solitary confinement!
And SL, it is possible to find another partner. Never the same of course but how could it be. But life moves on. If even the remotest happiness presents itself we have to seize it. But we have to be sure it's built on solid ground and not just a reaction to our pain.
Someone said to me at the beginning of all this, 'give it a year, the decide what you want to do'. I had thought of moving, but I am so glad I listened. A year seemed such a long time, but she was right.
The understanding and yes, the love I have found here has been amazing. Such awful adversity brings folk together because there is a common bond.
So to all you amazing folk on here, Blessings.