Just come back from 4 days on the canals of Holland and visiting the bulb fields. Lovely trip but I still find it very hard being on my own. Meal times are horrible, I can’t cope with other people wanting to know all about me and why I am alone. Is it just me? but I now think I have to say no more. It’s not the travel so much because I have to go abroad to see our two sons, ok nerves are there but I don’t dread that, it’s mixing, I just don’t want too. Is it just me?
Going away (holiday)
No it's not just you Susie. Sometimes I get an overwhelming urge to get far away from everything and everybody. I don't want to mix and I really can't be bothered. I have a wedding to attend tomorrow and I don't want to go to that either. It's just all too much effort. What a way to be. I really have become very unsociable.
Hi Kate, I do hope the wedding is nice and you don’t feel ‘out of it’. You do know that I will be thinking of you and wishing you the best. This grieving thing is very difficult and there is nothing you can do but take each small step at a time. I never thought I would feel like this and it seems it’s for ever, I need to get use to it and at least I know I am not the only person. Hope you have a lovely day.
Thank you dear Susie x
I've been away several times on my own and right from the beginning I identified meal times as the most likely problem and source of discomfort. Fortunately I've never been placed in a situation where I have had to share a table, and then engage in small talk. It has been offered during hotel stays, and I swiftly declined. I can imagine it being extremely difficult to discourage particular conversations without giving offence. Giving it some thought I maybe could say that I choose to be single as that wouldn't invite further questions.
Another thing that I've developed to a fine art is the avoidance of eye contact, although that's just for those occasions when I feel I don't want to mix or chat. It's a bit like building a strategic response.
Hi Yorkshire lad, yes if you can stay on your own at meal times, life is better but when it’s not possible that’s the problem. It’s also difficult at other times. Sorry but I think it’s also different for women, for a start there’s more ladies on their own/two sharing. Get two together and I have no chance. Yes I have been away several times and always take a book with me, like you ‘no eye contact’ it works and people do leave you alone.
If there is something that I really, really want to go and see then I just may put up with the problem otherwise I will stay at home with my cat, sad person.
Hi Susie I agree with you that it's a bit harder for woman. I went away with a friend last year and when one of the other customers in the hotel bar overheard me saying I was a widow (in reply to someone asking me how long I'd been married) he thought that gave him permission to hit on me. I found this very distressing so like Yorkshire Lad I now have a cover story. Best wishes. x
Susie123 your certainly not alone in those feelings as others have already stated!
I haven't as yet gone on holiday alone though intend to do so very soon.
Perhaps it might be best to avert my gaze to deter unwanted conversations.
I don't mind the odd casual chat, in fact I welcome it, it's just the intrusive questions that I will object to. I don't wish to discuss why I'm alone, that will be hard enough for me to cope with.
But I shall travel, my partner would want me to live and enjoy life as much as possible.
Difficult without him but I cannot bring him back and after four months just have to get on with things.
Neighbours ask me how I am and instead of replying fine, which never will be, I just reply "I'm still standing" always feel like adding "yeah, yeah, yeah" a touch of Elton!
Hi, yes we must go and do things and try to enjoy the wonders of the world. It is the questions and the fact that they are being down right noses. The other thing to watch is having paid the extra for a room on your own (single subelement) and then the hotel give you a room at the back of the hotel overlooking the dustbins, nice! Yes that’s happened to me and you just have to dig deep and say NO, but it’s hard.
Enjoy your trip and keep going on them.
No I certainly wouldn't think or want to go on holiday. I can't imagine anything worse than having to sit at a table with other people having to make polite conversation. Didn't like it when I was with my husband let alone without him. To keep him well we was on a strict diet of only certain foods and we had some very uncalled for comments from people in hotels and even friends. My husband never wanted his illness discussed so we just had to improvise. I just couldn't cope at the moment. My husband loved to travel but I began to find it a chore the last year or two, so won't be bothering. I just can't face lots of people around me at the moment. Yes have noticed that the single rooms can be pokey and out of the way. Always felt sorry for the singles on their own. Now it could be me, but don't think so. We travelled for years and I feel satisfied with what I have seen and nothing would be the same without Brian.