is it too early


My hubby passed 3 months ago, but when i keep looking at photos of us together its making me feel so down, so this morning i put some of them away out of sight, is it wrong of me to do this,i know i have memories to look back on,and i have to try and get on with my life, it might sound harsh but i felt i had to do it, how have you all coped with this subject ,ty.

I've taken a similar line to you. I've put all my wife's clothes, personal effects and the photos in one bedroom and I rarely go in there. I removed her photo from the home screen on my phone.
I still have several photos dotted around the other rooms and I can look at them and smile, although I seem to spend most of my life in two rooms now.
I don't feel a need to look through the photos just yet and it's the same with her clothes. I liken it to avoiding things, and so avoiding those things that will take me down. It's a bit like sticking pins in myself and then being surprised that it hurts.
Hopefully one day I will know the time is right to do some of these things.

Hi yorkshire lad, im a yorkshire lass born n bred, but living further up north now,its so hard feeling like this, i had to move them out of the front room as it was making me feel so down, i have pics by the side of the bed along with some of my hubbys ashes, and i have a memory corner in the front room and a few ashes there too,but i put all of hubbys clothes n shoes in bags and gave them to charity, i know he would have wanted to help less fortunate people out, i kept a couple of light zip up tops for myself to slip on in the summer,and i know what you mean about the pins,take care x

Hello Milliemoo, I've handled it very similar to you. I was sorting out things the day after his death in November, don't know quite why, now that I think back. There was so much to sort through it was mind boggling but I felt the need to do it. Although it did upset me and I had to keep stopping and going back another day. I was torturing myself for some reason. One of his hobbies among many was photography and I had literally what must have been thousands to sort through. I was advised to get rid and just keep some for myself which I have done. I put these away in a box. Then it was his painting things, that was pretty painless as the whole lot went to a relative. Then the loft and what must have been years of things, I'm still in the process with that area. His shed, I couldn't get in it. Now I can. But it has meant continual trips to the tip, charity shops, auction rooms, bonfires etc. I let his clothes go and, like you, just kept a few items back for myself. I don't regret letting his things go, although it has upset me while sorting them. I know he must hate me.
Like you I have photographs of him around the house and by the side of the bed. I have some of his ashes on a coffee table in the living room. along with a lock of his hair in a small container with small candles around him. I also have a locket with his ashes and a photo which I wear at night. But I'm afraid I don't know why I felt the need to clear the house of most of his things so quickly.. I just never felt I wanted to keep so much stuff to remember him but I think it's up to the individual. I think on my mind was the thought that I might want to sell the house, so best to start de-cluttering now. Best of luck

In reply to Pattidot

Hi PattiDot,i had to move a few photos of my hubby & i especially our wedding pic, i had it on the room widow sill,but i sit facing the window,and seeing that pic was making me feel so down, i now have it by the side of the bed, i have ashes there too, and some in the living room, but i get comfort from holding them when i am feeling down, i ask my hubby for guidance to get me through this, & in a way i feel as tho he is i know we all have a long long journey ahead of us, and as i gave all of hubbys things to charity shop i know he would have liked that,helping others less fortunate out, but its the loneliness i cant manage, the nights i hate at the moment, i have been to see the dr today and he is sending me to grief counseling, i have1of my grandchildren aged(4) stay with me from weds to fri,and then another aged (5)stay with me fri till sun ,so at least i have some company for a few days, but at least i have my happy memories of the short 9 years hubby & i were together, Take Care, hugs to you x.

I know, the photo's can be a blessing and heartbreak all rolled into one. I have a CD of my husband singing (he was in a band), I want to listen to him, but end up in bits. I'm just finishing sorting his things. He was a champion hoarder and clever with it. All over the place but out of sight and I never guessed to what extent. Yesterday I got into a cupboard and yet more boxes of old paperwork/photo's..But there was a scrapbook of him when he first started in the band. I saw a young man, starting a new venture in life, now he's gone. tears. Then I made arrangements for his scooter to go up for sale. More tears. I sorted out his tools and need to learn how to use them. Yet more tears. Why do I torture myself. I just reason that it has to be done one day, so sooner lather than later. Doesn't matter how long you was together it's all so precious now. We all wish we could go back in time and have one more hug from them. Good luck,

In reply to milliemoo

I put all my partner's clothes into a bedroom and closed the door as I couldn't bear to look at them it just upset me.
The other day I thought how silly that was, they were only clothes and he had very little interest in those things. If they fitted and were comfortable he was happy!
Memories are in my mind not in clothing! So they are going to the charity shop to be of use to someone else.
Photographs, well I have a couple on my window sill where I can see them from where I sit in the evening. They don't upset me, he looks so happy and I remember vividly where they were taken and the conversation we had.
You have to do what is best for you, it doesn't matter what anyone else does or thinks.
Being a practical person I am getting on with my life now but he was a huge part of that life for thirty six years and will always be in my thoughts whatever happens in the future.

In reply to 12remember

I'm so glad you've just posted that. It's like you've just provided that final piece of the jigsaw. I did just the same with my wife's clothes and I've been mulling over what to do next. I had hoped my daughters would take some and sort the rest out but they haven't shown any inclination to do that.
Your words have just made me feel silly for just the same reasons. The really daft thing is that I think some of her clothes had been sorted to send to the charity shop and I haven't even sent them.
My wife would have seen clothes as necessary things, nothing more and definitely not icons full of meaning.
I'm like you with the everyday photos. They make me smile.

Good for you both. My husbands clothes had gone within a couple of weeks. It's him I remember not his clothes, most of which he never bothered to wear, always keeping to the same things that he felt comfortable in. It was hard seeing his guitars go as they had been a big part of his life but what could I do with them. Now they will be going back on stage. His electric bike went to a friend and neighbour and I see her out on it. Yes Brian's photo's are lovely. He's handsome, fit and well and that's how I will always remember him.
Having found so much of his past has been upsetting as I have had to burn it all. So old, long before my time but it was his past. Again what use to me.

I haven’t dealt with any of my husbands personal things. Other than bits of paperwork. Clothes, tools etc are still as they were. They don’t bother me though in any way. And it’s only me who sees them. No one comes into the house and opens the wardrobes. Or goes into the garage and sees the tools etc. I’m good with them staying where they are for now.

The one thing I have thought over the past weeks is how sad it is; we are on this earth, we all have our stuff, then when we are gone it’s meaningless. Things we work hard to get throughout our lives and look after for years, even our homes, become meaningless when the person is no longer there. Just goes to prove, once again, it’s people that count in this life, the stuff we accumulate is important only to us. The older I’ve got the more I’ve realised how important people are and things we want, and ultimately get, count for nothing. Absolutely nothing. I wish I’d realised that at an earlier age instead of always striving for that new item, be it a new dress or some new curtains, new kitchen.... It’s all the story of life I suppose but it’s very sad when the meaningless stuff remains and the real meaning has gone! x