Loneliness after bereavement


Richard, one of our bloggers on the Sue Ryder website, wrote an article last week that I wanted to share with you all. In the blog he talks about being lonely and what a shock that is after being with his late wife for thirty years.

"I am about to write something from ‘over here’ which I could never have written ‘back there’ in the land where I lived before grief came along. I could never have written it because it would have been embarrassing and awkward. I would never have written it because it would have been untrue. Nonetheless, I write it now.

I am lonely."

Richard finishes the blog by saying "I may be lonely, but you are never truly alone", which made me think of this community. I hope that in the midst of grief and loneliness, you feel a little bit less alone here.

You can read Richard's full blog here.

An interesting article thanks.
I'm not lonely, I've never liked having lots of people around but I am alone. Being alone,day after day, after so many years together is unbearable.

In reply to Eleanor

Richard thank you for posting this. It touches my heart and I know exactly where you are coming from. It helps me to read your words, it kind of gives me permission to feel the way I do after losing my precious husband William just 8 months ago. There's some positivity in your blog too, which I love.
Thought provoking, inspiring and so true. Big hug from Elaine

Like a lot of people on this site, we are lonely without the one we love, our soul mate, our best and only friend. It’s loneliness but not for people to be with, infact that’s the last thing we want, to be part of a big happy group. Someone recently wrote that since her husband had gone, she was lonely but she also enjoyed the soilitude of being on her own and not with people. It’s a different kind of loneliness which I find difficult to explain. I even have difficulty explaining it to the family because yes I am lonely but not for people, just not having him here with me. The one thing I do know is that life goes on with or without that other very special person and like it or not we have to get use to being here on our own. Hard, yes very hard.
Love and blessings to you all.

It is unbearably hard. Friends and family reach out to me but the only one I want to be with has gone. Other try to help but we are no longer the centre of someone's life, the one who gave us love and support. I hope it will get better but who knows when

Hello Toria, you are right it is hard and yes friends and family don’t realise the pain. It does get better, not so hard but it seems something we have to learn to live with. It’s not like this for everyone who’s husband/partner goes which always makes me question life but then I think to myself we had such a different relationship and for that I am very happy about what we had. The love, friendship, the whole thing was very, very special and I now know just how special. I tell him everyday how special he was and I do hope he knows just how much he still means to me. Life goes on without him and some days are good days, others not so but I always say “well we had such a special relationship what do I expect” then say “goodnight “ to him and hope for tomorrow being a good day. They are there. Take care of yourself, eat well and get enough sleep, it all helps. Blessings S

That's how I feel Susie. Lonely for him regardless of who else is there. I am lucky enough to have a great family and friends but nobody fills the empty space my husband left behind. x

I feel like that too. My darling husband was my soul mate and I miss him so much. I am lucky to have a wonderful family and good close friends but I still feel so lonely without Patrick. It is 10 weeks today but it feels like an eternity. The thought of the future is terrifying. People say to me that I am doing really well but I don't understand what that means. I am so sad.

It's not just loneliness I find. It's a whole range of other things in addition.
Lack of interest
Lack of enthusiasm
Lack of excitement
Lack of purpose
Lack of motivation
Lack of sleep and an inability to relax.

I'm sure other people could add to that with things like lack of money, security, health, etc.

There's a lot of talk nowadays about loneliness being a societal problem, wide-ranging and having big implications for health spending. I knew, and know, lots of people who lived alone after bereavement but I never fully understood like I do now.

I know. Our house always used to so full of laughter and food and busyness and people dropping in - and now it's so empty and silent. It's terrifying to think that this is how it's going to be from now on.