Losing my husband.

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It is now almost nine weeks since my fit, healthy husband died suddenly from a massive brain hemorrhage. He was seventy four and did not even have a headache. Married for 53 years I am struggling without him. We loved our sunshine holidays and should have been going away for the month of September. I am thinking of going on my own, with my memories, for a few days during September. I am just worried it may be worse going away than staying at home. Is it too early to think about doing this?

I lost my husband in April after a short battle with cancer, Ben was also 74. We are all different but I am struggling to have days out or holidays on my own after having someone by my side for 52 years. I really feel for you and maybe it would be easier if you went on holiday with a friend.

My husband die in April we were also married for 53 years you have to do what feels right for you don't rush antthing if you feel it would help go away if not maybe plan something for a few months time have you got friends or family you can visit or go with we are all different I have a problem going to my local town but one day at a time do what feels right for you you are not alone take care love marian xx

Hi hainey

I dont have any answers for you , I just wanted you to know that my mum died 12 weeks ago also from a massive brain hemorrhage. She was also 74.
I have spent the last 12 weeks in shock that this happened. She was fit and active and very funny.
The only thing that plagued her was arthritis and we thought she would be around till she was 90.
Strokes hadnt affected my family before although my dad died of a sudden heart attack 21 years ago.
What an awful time we are all going through.

Cheryl x

Hello Hainey

It's 9 months today since my husband of 50 years died of cancer aged 71. I have been on several trips and holidays with family and friends this summer and would recommend it as I find getting away from the house and into a new environment makes the grief less all-consuming for a while. Our next holiday was going to be Italy and now I am going with a friend on Thursday. I know he would have been happy about this and that helps. However, I would not consider a holiday on my own as I think it would be too lonely. But everyone is different and you have to do what feels right for you - it's the only way to live this horribly different life. Good luck - sending love xx.

In reply to hainey

Oh my goodness, I cannot even imagine what you're going through. I lost my husband just over a year ago but although it was truly awful and to an extent still is, at least I did have some warning as Simon was terminally ill for 2 years before be passed away so I had some time to think of life without him.
Everyone is different and I can only tell you what my experience is. A couple of months after Simon died I spent Christmas with my family in Ireland. I had some hopes that this holiday would be a nice time in the midst of my turmoil. To an extent it was and my family were all so kind to me but I very quickly I found I was planting a smile on my face and this was causing me so much distress that very soon I just wanted to get back home so that I could sob openly with only my little dog looking on.
I guess all I would say to you is not to have too high expectations of this holiday. Hopefully you'll be able to enjoy your memories but also they could make you overwhelmingly sad.
Also I would say that nine weeks is such a short time and because your dear husband passed away suddenly, I imagine you're still in shock to a large degree. I think you need to be gentle with yourself.
You have been through a horrific life event. Whatever you're feeling is ok, anger, jealousy bitterness, sadness or at times a little joy, don't fight it, just become aware of what's going on in your head. There's nothing wrong with any of our feelings but if we're aware of them it helps us to move away from them. Even if it's just for a short time before the next onslaught.
Thinking of you and I hope you make the decision that's right for you xxx

Hi,

I think that teresamc makes some really good points.
The last thing I said to my mum was I cant wait to be having a glass of wine on holiday in 8 weeks together. Thus was our yearly week with my daughter in Somerset.
That afternoon she passed away suddenly with a brain hemorrhage.
I promised my daughter we would still go on the holiday and we did but all I did was cry and have to pretend I was happy for my daughter.
I couldn't wait to get back home so I could sit and cry without people staring.
I also agree that you must still be in shock as I know i am.
However you must do what you feel is right for you, and if you think you are ready and would benefit from a few days away then go.

Good luck in what you decide to do x

Thinking of all of you at this sad time.My darling husband has been gone now 4 months.I still think about the amazing holiday's we had in St Ives Cornwall.I whould find it terribly difficult to go down there right now.I don't think I could bare it.Been quite brave tho.Have been to my sister's in Suffolk and brother's in Surrey on my own.I still have my sad moments.But I'm getting on with life with the help of loving sons,grandchildren,family and friends.My husband also died in April aged 67 of heart failure. He was the love of my life ,my soul mate.He had only just retired after many tough years being a chef.And we discussed what we whould do when I retire next year.But I do feel his around me all the time. I've made photo books of him for my grandchildren so they never forget thier Grandpa .Hugs of comfort to all of you.Jeanette.

In reply to hainey

Hi Sorry to hear your sad news. My husband died in January after 42 years married.
I think you would be very brave to go on holiday so soon on your own. If you have a good friend why not go with them if you can. Are you sure about it! I myself haven't had a holiday this year. Friends have asked me but feel I am not ready for holidays and have to much sorting out to do here.
Good luck to you, Be brave. We are here for you if you want to message any time, this is a great web site Love Suex

Hi Cheryl. Thank you for your reply. I had not been aware before David died of how devastating a brain hemorrhage could be. I had never known it happen to anyone I know. Strokes yes, with a degree of recovery but not the devastating blow this has been. My love and thoughts are with you. Xx

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