Will i ever have a full night's sleep again?


Hello Andy,

I am so sorry you are having sleeping problems, but that is what happens when we lose someone we love, things are never the same again.

I decided from the very first I would never take sleeping tablets or any other type of tablets to try and get me through the grieving process. My husband died four years ago and I still cannot sleep the night through, my mind whirrs around all the time, I sometimes cat nap in the afternoon and then stay up until about 11 pm, go to bed, get up at 2 am, have a cup of hot milk and go back to bed, and that is how it has been for four years. I don't feel ill or tired the next day so I must be getting the sleep I need albeit interrupted sleep.

I don't want tablets to fog up my mind as I don't want to forget a moment of our 50 years together and if that means I have poor sleep patterns then so be it. I take each day as it comes, if I feel a bit tired, I go for a lay down and then I am okay, I just let nature take it's course.

Hi Lonely,

I lost my wife two years ago next week and totally understand and know where your coming from. I am totally reluctant to try the tablets but must say I have been swaying of late and feel like giving in and seeing the doctor again.
I work full time so cat naps are a non starter during the day. I go to bed no later than 10 on an evening (usually a little earlier) through tiredness and just wanting the day to end but find myself awake again before midnight and it’s just an ongoing thing. I am finding it a real struggle to function and concentrate during the day.
Hearing you, four years down the line and still feeling that way, fills me with dread. These last two years have been so so hard it’s just unbearable to think the next two and beyond will be the same.
It truly is awful but thanks for your kind words and I hope you can find peace in time x

Dear Andy.

I never thought that after losing my husband 4 years ago I would still be feeling lost and missing him like crazy but I am and I do.

I am in a different position to you, I am a 75 year old lady, and can do what I want during the day. But if you are working, you may need some help. Make sure that the tablets do not make you drowsy because when you are driving, you do not want your mind to be fogged up.

I get travel sickness, and I have to take a Kwell before going on a bus and sometimes, if I have had a bad night, the Kwells knock me for six and my mind is like cotton wool.

Before you see your doctor again, go online and find out what these tablets do that he has recommended to you, see what the contraindications (side effects) are and then decide what is best for your lifestyle.

Whatever you take there will always be that loss, it is the finality of it all that is heartbreaking, knowing you will never see your loved one again and no amount of tablets will ever stop that feeling. You will be doing something, then bang, you remember and it is like a knife to your heart, but that is the price we may for loving someone with all our heart.


Sheila xx

So true Sheila.

And thanks for the advice and for just been there to talk to, it means a lot.

Take care,
Andy x

Dear Andy,

You are so very welcome.

Many people and even our sons think that I am now over it and can do what I want and go where I want, but what they don't realise is that I don't want to. All I want is my husband back, a future without him is no future at all. My life now is living one day at a time, I don't look forward anymore, I look back because that is where my happiness was, and I know for sure that my life has never or will ever be the same since my husband died.

I am here if ever you need to talk.

You can also private message me.



Thank you Sheila that’s very kind of you x

In reply to Lonely

It's exactly the same for me. I've tried going to bed early, I've tried going to bed late but it's still the same broken night's sleep. It actually doesn't really bother me that much as I don't feel tired the next day either. Weird really, you would think we should be exhausted. I certainly wouldn't take any medication though. It's interesting to know that it is common symptom of our grieving.

Dear Kate.

I have been up since 4 am, just having some hot milk, then off back to bed. I am going to wash the paints down outside today, all being well and I have some tulip bulbs to put in so that may help me sleep tomorrow night.

Take care.


Sheila xx

In reply to Lonely

Good positive stuff Sheila. Well done you. Xxxx

In reply to Andy48

I use the Neals Yard Remedies pillow mist which contains lavender, among other things. I spray a bit on my pillow when I go to bed, and find that the lovely smell makes me drift off and stay asleep quite naturally. It is quite expensive (about £15, I think) but lasts for ages. I use a sunset/sunrise lamp alongside it.