Will i ever have a full night's sleep again?


Hello all I lost my mum last year July
At the initial time of her passing I was ok
Life was normal then it hit me like a bullet
Sleep is non existent my day is a complete fog
I feel like I’m living in a dream and can’t focus on any thing
I just want to cry all the time

I am so sorry, but people think that if they get through the first year of grieving then they will be fine, you won't, the second year is the worst because you finally realise that what has happened is true and they are never coming back. It took me 2.1/2 years to give my husbands clothes away to charity because I wanted them here in case he came back home again.

All you can do is think of all the happy times you had with your mum, how much you loved and still love each other, you don't stop loving them when they die.

I made online memory books when my husband of 47 years died four years ago, all our photos of him from being a baby, then a schoolchild, then a teenager and then when we met right up until four weeks before he died, I added notes under each photo. I had scanned them onto my computer then added all our favourite songs which played from start to finish and then I put it onto a few USB memory sticks so when I die our sons and grandchildren will be able to watch them.

It kept me occupied as I was doing something out of love, and now I have proof that we really did exist because believe you me, as time goes by, you sometimes wonder if all the things you think about actually did happen, but by having all those photographs playing to music proves it did.


Sheila xx

I am so sorry for your loss Sheila
I agree with you 100% it has become so much worse after a year
I thought I’d be ok, but I guess time is just numbers that pass it doesn’t mean any thing
I will copy your idea and make some books of mum and I, and the songs sound amazing she and I shared dancing and singing round her kitchen a few times :)
X x

That will be wonderful and you will always have a lasting memory of you and her dancing around the kitchen to your favourite music, because, sometimes, and I have found this out quite a few times, if I didn't have all the hundred's of photographs since meeting my husband, I would have forgotten something that had happened.

I have a photo of me washing up with our Lovebird (who adored me) sitting on my head when I was washing up and he jumped onto the side of the kitchen sink and jumped into the washing up water. Peter had taken a photo of it and it was something I had forgotten about, but it brought the memory flooding back.

I remember scooping him out of the water and drying him off. If it were not for the photo, it would have been a treasured memory forgotten about.

You can start with a photo of her as a child, all through her growing up years, telling the story of her life, your dad's and yours.


Sheila xx

In reply to Zan

Hello Zan. I lost my mum nearly 6 years ago now. I lost my husband in June last year. Two very different losses with very different emotions. The loss of my husband has taken over my life and is all consuming but doesn't stop me remembering my mum and the day she died. I remember every little detail of that day. Me and mum were very close and I think of her every day still, even in amongst the utter chaos of my mind which is filled by my husband. Of course you want to cry and why shouldn't you? She was your mum. She still is your mum and will always be your mum. The one person who loved you unconditionally. After my mum died I went through all my photographs of her and scanned them onto the computer and made a collage of her. I printed one off for each of my siblings. I love looking at it. It kept me busy too and I was constructing a collage of love and life. As with any loss, distraction helps even if only for a while. Sending you a big hug. Xx

I’m exactly the same . I go to sleep really quickly but then wake up every night about half 2 or 3 so then I usually get up and go downstairs to get my dogs up to bed . Their snoring is a comfort to me . Think I will probably be like this for ever now unless I take my dogs up to bed with me in the first place . Perhaps that will help ? Anyway I’m rambling now . All our sleep patterns sound like they have become crap . It’s the grief and not having our special people to cuddle up to in bed and the thought of it always being like this from now on . Yuck. What a horrible thought . No wonder none of us can sleep through the night . Sending everyone big hugs and hope tonight will be better . Romy xxx

In reply to Romy

I can relate to having your dog's with you Romy. Our dogs always slept downstairs in their own bed but not now. They come up with me since losing my darling husband. Yes, they are a comforting presence. I never used to allow the dogs upstairs but now anything goes - who cares...xx

Exactly . Whatever makes us ...and the dogs cos they are grieving too ..better xxx

In reply to Andy48

Peter I tried Mirtazapine and it was horrible - felt like a zombie and didn't sleep well with it anyway because I was waking up constantly with a dry mouth.I decided to stop it and it took several weeks to gradually come off it. Now I do without it and although the grief is taking over my life I would rather feel the grief than forget my precious husband and our life of over 50 years together.

Hi im 59 my darling wife Denise (04032016) passed on her 41st birthday ,i dont sleep much i nap during the day,ive tried the route of booze drinking myself to sleep that didnt work .Im on mitazapine that doesnt help my sleep either.I just accept this the situation has been the same all the time .Colin