You are describing me in many ways, I have not touched a book in four years, I cannot get off the first page as I just can't concentrate.
What I did do when I came home from hospital the afternoon Peter died was to climb into our bed he had left the evening before when the ambulance took him to the hospital, I wanted to smell him on the bed clothes and on his prop up pillows. We always slept together, even with the oxygen tanks. I didn't change the bed for three weeks, I could not bear to lose the scent of him but I knew I had to. I didn't wash the sheets for months, they were in the laundry basket in the utility room.
We all have our own ways of getting through, so we do what we must do to make life easier for ourselves. Listen to yourself and no-one else, do what feels right for you as we are all different and do not do anything you do not want to do, don't be shamed into joining clubs etc. if you don't want to then don't, just nod your head, say thanks for the advice and do what the heck you want.
Your group sounds lovely, we have nothing like that here, I go to a Friendship group only because a neighbour asked me to go with her, but she is 10 years older than me and it really is not my cup of tea, but they do organise days out so I go for that.
It is very early days yet Jayne, like I say, after four years I still hate my life, I still want Peter back and I cannot believe it has happened to us, we were supposed to live forever.