Will i ever have a full night's sleep again?

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Hi Diane

So sorry for the loss of your husband. It has only been a short while and so you must still be traumatised. My husband died unexpectedly in his sleep too just over a year ago. I found that taking Nytol (blue packet, one a night) helped. They helped me sleep for a full eight hours. I still use them on occasions. I also found guided meditations for sleep useful. My husband died at home as well and for the first few months I slept downstairs. Then my sons helped me to completely change the bedroom - new bed, curtains, walls painted, duvet etc. It is now very much my sanctuary (Lilac/Mauves). I do have photos of my husband on the walls. It has helped me enormously. However it is still very early days for you and these things can't be rushed. My advice would be to get some Nytol and once you are sleeping better you will be able to cope a little better.

Post on here whenever you want unfortunately grieving is a long hard road and their is always someone to listen and offer their advice.

Take care of yourself and remember the golden rule 'one step at a time'.

Yvonne

Hello everyone. Some very good thoughts and comments from you all. So many thoughts seem to be the same for us all and then a few which are individual. Like you Diane, my husband died in our bed and I performed CPR. However, I love to be in our bed and lying on the very sheet from that fateful night - it comforts me.

I look at photos of my husband all the time Sheila, they are all around me, even in my car. Sometimes they make me cry and sometimes they make me smile. How I loved him and love him still. My love continues to grow and I love him more and more with each passing day. How can that be? Even after 30 years I still got those little flutters in my tummy when he came home, just like you said Sheila.

And Romy, what an interesting new word - I shall look it up. I agree, a part of us has gone missing - we two became one so now there's only half of us left. Yes it's horrible. I feel a completely different person and I feel very strange.

In all of our feelings and fears there is no right or wrong. In grief one size does not fit all. But knowing we're not alone does bring a little comfort and your 'weird ramblings' Romy are very welcome and needed. Indeed everyone's thoughts and feelings are helpful. Thank you all. Sending love and hugs xx

This conversation was started in early September and sleep is still evading me. I've been awake since 4am, probably managed 4 hours. If it's the same for you all, it's a wonder we're not walking round like zombies. I was always such a good sleeper - is this it now?
It was 18 months to the day yesterday since my lovely husband passed and I haven't known a full night's sleep since...

Hi Kate, I'm much the same, only I have worked out that I am deliberately pulling myself out of sleep from about 3am each night. The nightmares stopped a few months back. It's knowing that I feel I have to wake up which really concerns me, but what for? It was 14 months on Tuesday since my beautiful husband passed...he was an amazing morning person and would tease me about how long I wanted to sleep for. Now it's just the coldest hours before dawn to endure and my iPad for company, x

I think I must be bucking the trend as I now sleep better than I have done over the past few years. I used to sleep with "one ear open" listening for my wife, despite often sleeping in a different room and as she got worse my sleep got worse.
For me the key essentials are getting enough physical exercise, eating enough but not too spicy, drinking enough but not too much alcohol and reducing the amount of blue light from phones and tablets. Another thing is the avoidance of stimulation before sleep. I've read a few books about improving sleep. One think that's significant is that if you worry too much about not sleeping then that anxiety will cause a problem. Learning relaxation techniques may help. It seems likely that the older we get the less sleep we need.
If you can function all right on what you get then presumably it's not a big short term problem but the long term problem is that it's difficult to re establish the old pattern. I think we all crave lots of good sleep as we believe it's fundamental to making things better.

I've just checked and there's a blog called Night time Rumination on Grief on the website What's Your Grief. May be worth a look.

Thanks YorkshireLad, I'll take a look. Xx

In reply to Rainbow

Rainbow, my husband used to do the same. He would try to embarrass me in front of others too, telling them how late I got up on a Sunday. David was always an early riser and never failed to bring me a cup of tea in bed. How I miss that. How I miss him. Do you think our men are messing with us and smiling down at us not sleeping? Xx

Actually, I don't worry about not sleeping. In fact it doesn't bother me at all and I am not particularly tired during the day. I go to work no problem and I never fall asleep in the chair at night so I guess I must be getting enough rest. Xx

Oh Kate, you gladden my heart so much...thank you. I'd give absolutely everything to know that 'our darling men' would be in collusion, messing with our sleeping patterns, and smiling because we're awake....again. I got the tea in bed too...we were so loved.
I visited his parents today (90 & 88). I like to think my husband knows that I'm helping to look after them. When he was first ill, he needed several spinal taps. On one occasion he said before going to theatre...'look after my Mam'. Towards the end of his life 2.5 years later, he only knew my voice. I never forgot his request...I like to think I'm doing right by him...so he will walk by my side. I am comforted by the thought of David being with you everywhere you go...right shoulder. You're a lovely person Kate..I may be sobbing now, but I'm not anxious and that's a miracle,xxx

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