Father died 29/03/19

I am struggling with numbness since my dad died last month, I cried in the first couple of days after and at the funeral but other than that it’s like I know he’s gone but I can’t feel it if that makes sense? I was very close to my dad and I don’t understand why I can’t feel anything, for the first two weeks I couldn’t even wrap my head around the fact that he was actually gone, it was a very sudden death with no warning (just as he would have wanted it, he would have hated to have ended up in a hospital. He was 73 and smoked and had high blood pressure so I knew he wasn’t going to live forever but it was still a massive shock. I just want to be able to feel it. I feel like I’m not grieving properly somehow.

Hello I had to reply to your message as it applies to me. My mum died after 10 years of dementia. I cared for her before she went in a home. We were best friends. I was with mum when she died and I initially had a big sob and after the funeral I did and then something came over me. I shut off I had absolutely no emotion good or bad and felt nothing. Numb. I envied people who were in floods of tears I wish I could ha e that release but it wouldn’t come. It worries me a lot but I had no energy left and felt completely spent. Other people would cry in front of me or sympathise and I stood blankly calmly thanking them and felt nothing. I am told it is all part of grief and the body’s way of coping. It’s a way of protecting ourselves. It just feels unnatural doesn’t it. I now find the second year into my grief that it is coming out more. I have sobbing or crying sessions on and off and feel very sad. I think I was afraid of my depth of grief and ran from it. Trouble is it came out in other ways I have awful anxiety now and panic easily. The numb stage will pass. Anger is another one to be prepared for. Sending you my best wishes. Hope I helped a bit.

Reading your posts I can relate to you both, Mum died about 18 months ago, I too felt numb, went to a bereavement support group, saw others crying and in distress while I felt numb and felt different from others. One day I started to write about Mum's death and then the tears flowed which was a relief. Now I feel a kind of depression, I go get through each day but don't feel I'm really living or enjoying anything and struggle to deal with pressure. I guess I need to be kind to myself, accept how I feel and that how I feel is ok. Thank you for you posts, I now realise I am not so different and it is ok. I hope you can both be kind to yourselves.

In reply to Pen

Thank you so much, it helps to know I’m not alone, big hugs xx

In reply to MariaChap

I’m so sorry for your loss, thank you for your words, it’s good to know I’m not alone, hugs xx