How to cope with the sudden loss of my mum

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Hi

I don’t really know what I am hoping to achieve by posting but thought it might be good to hopefully chat with people who have been in a similar position. 6 weeks ago my mum suddenly died of a heart attack, she was only 64 fit and healthy. She had been looking after my two young children the day before and had seemed absolutely fine when i said goodbye to her that day.

I just can’t get my head around the fact she is no longer here and I don’t know how to for the sake of my husband and my children. I do have some more positive days or moments during the days but then at others times I feel like everything is pointless and feel so sad that my mum will never see my children grow up or have any idea as to what will happen to me and my family.

I know I should appreciate all the time and memories I had with her which I do but can’t help feeling totally cheated and angry especially at the sudden departure.

Sorry for the long post...

Thank you for reading.

Hi Stef,

I'm so sorry to hear that your Mum died suddenly six weeks ago. It must have been such a shock for you, especially as you had no warning she was ill. I can understand that it's difficult for you to get your head round the fact that she's no longer here. My Mum died nearly 5 years ago and there are still times I forget she's not here, especially when I want to share exciting news or tell her something my daughter has done. She was ill for a long while so it wasn't sudden. I do though feel angry that other people still have their Mums & I don't, I'm 47.

It's still so soon for you after your Mums death. Try not to put pressure on yourself & allow yourself to grieve in the way you need to. In time the positive moments win the battle, the sad ones still happen but less often.You will be able to cherish all the memories of your Mum, sometimes with tears which is so normal.

Be kind to yourself and reach out to friends/family to support you. It's important you have an outlet to share your feelings and emotions with. Please keep posting on the forum, there are loads of lovely supportive people who understand what you're going through & how you're feeling. Take care, Trudy

In reply to Stef-32

Hi Stef,

So sorry to read about your Mum and that it was sudden. My Dad passed away nearly 26 years ago after an unexpected heart attack and it is very frightening. Six weeks is a very short time and you are probably still in shock. I felt cheated too as my Dad was 63, never had the chance to enjoy retirement or anything and I felt very bitter about that for some time afterwards.

You mention having good moments and days and that is brilliant, keep a hold on those times which may help you through rougher patches. Just take everyday as it comes and at the end of each treat it as an achievement that you have got through.

Keep coming back here if you need people to chat to, there is quite often someone online in the middle of night to talk to even who can’t sleep too.

Mel

After a bereavement, it is very emotional and confusing. The effects and duration are unique to us all so short, medium and long-term can be one grey area. Family and friends can support you by helping you make decisions and comforting you. Sharing your thoughts here and with others will help you come to understand and accept what you are going through.

Patience is another good quality that can come with being comforted. I'm sure you will hear from other members offering you their support and consolation. Hopefully, all the kind words you receive will help you on your way. Good luck.

In reply to Stef-32

I’m in a similar situation to you, lost my mum the beginning of January suddenly. I feel empty have good and bad days. Life will never be the same I know. I’ve just joined this site to and hope talking will help as finding it hard to. X

I lost my mom suddenly a month ago. She died from undiagnosed secondary cancer. I nursed her in her final days. I didn’t leave her side. I have very similar emotions. I’m up and down daily not knowing how to deal with my feelings. I’m having flash backs to her death and desperately I’m looking for answers.. I just feel so lost she was in my eyes a perfect mom and although I’m a mother myself my mom mothered me right to the end. Thanks for sharing your stories. I think at the moment just being able to read that other people feel the same way helps enormously.

It's hard. I lost my mum just before Xmas. I go through so many ups and downs in a day. Overall feel massively sad. People keep saying to me it takes time. I don't want time as it distances me from her. She was my best friend. I just take it a day at a time and try to not think about her death. Almost try to pretend still here. It helps me get through the days. Somebody told me grief is the price we pay for love. Take good care of yourself. X

In reply to Dee8455

Thankyou. X i need to talkmore about it as not accepting its happened x

In reply to Stef-32

Hi
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm new on here as I lost my mum 3 weeks ago. She to was taken suddenly by infection. She was 57 and healthy young and a lovely lady. The daytime she was out shopping with me and my daughter, then by night was rushed to A&E. 5 hours later she had passed away. I know how you feel and I'm sorry I can't give you the answers. I am searching for answers myself but the truth is there isn't any, I just find that if I try to stay strong for my children and dad it helps a little. Take each day as it comes. Try to remember the good times.
No one could ever replace our mum's but our children still have there mummys so we have to be strong for them, my mum was my best friend we spent every day together life will never be the same anymore. We just have to find a new routine now and look forward to when we meet again.
Xx

In reply to Kellyw36

Thankyou and sorry for your loss also. I’m in process of getting counseling as hope will help to accept and talk. I know i need to but afraid i will just break down andnot stop if start. I need to take own advice and look at positives and try think of her as blocking it all out. Appreciate comments thankyou. Keep strong also x

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