Lost my mum too soon

I don’t normally use forums but at the moment I am really really struggling. My wonderful mum was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on the 28th march (my dad had also been recently diagnosed with lung cancer on the 7th Feb). My mum passed very peacefully on the 25th May with all here closest at her side holding her. In the past few months I watched the life being drained from my mum day by day and for most of this time she was either in agony or drugged up on morphine. Looking back now I lost her on the 28th march. But I am angry at the false hope given by medical staff and the taking of biopsies and extra biopsies under the pretence of clinical trials. I just needed her a wee bit longer in my life. I can’t even begin to properly mourn my mum as my focus now is on my dad who is facing his own journey. He’s had 4 rounds of chemo and is going really well so I need to make sure he stays like this with this frame of mind. I just feel so angry with the world and in struggle to comprehend what I am having to deal with.

In reply to Auds2712

My mum passed due to lung cancer, even though she didnt smoke....watching ur parent suffer and pass from cancer is such a difficult thing. No one realizes the care, worry, stress and emotions that are involved.

I've just lost my mom to pancreatic cancer. I feel so cheated of the time I should have had with her. It's a truly awful cancer and everything happens so fast. I don't know what to say to make it better for you, I can only say that you're not on your own.

In reply to Auds2712

Oh Auds2712,

I am so sorry and sad to read your post about your Mum. I lost my Mum coming up for three years ago over a similar period of time, diagnosis in late May and she passed away seven weeks later. Seeing a parent becoming so ill and quickly deteriorating is so awful. I am so glad you could be with her right until the end. That will have been so important to your Mum, even if she was woozy with Morphine she may well have been aware of your presence.

I think of my Mum every day and want to tell her things I am doing so do agree, I wanted her around longer but not ill. I wanted her to be the bright, funny and beautiful person she was when well.

I am sorry also to read about your Dad. That is just not fair at all. So hard for him and for you and I really hope his treatment continues to go well.

You say about your focus being your Dad but I think you have to make it yourself too. You need to have time for yourself too, time to do what you want and need to keep yourself healthy. At the same time be angry and carry on questioning what is happening and being done for your Dad. I turned into a Tiger Daughter where my Mum was concerned and was with her through everything I could be. I am normally quite placid but it did feel good being like that.

I don’t have any magic answers but do keep coming back to this site to rant if you need to. Everyone here understands as we all have lost people we love or are facing that horrible situation.

Mel

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