Mother's Passing

My lovely mum passed away last Wednesday morning in hospital from heart failure.

It was something none of us knew she had. She knew though. She was told two years ago (we found that out in the last three weeks).

She went to a routine Dr's appointment Fri 15th Feb. She suffered from low blood pressure, but as it was lower than "normal" for her they said to pop to the hospital. No emergency, just bimble up there.

We sat for 5 hours to be seen. Was told she was dehydrated, so they put her on a drip and made her drink. It crept up to her "normal". We were told she was coming home. Then 20 mins later they said they were admitting her. She spent 4 days in hospital. Said she needed some home help (she lived on her own in a 3 bed house). She discharged herself as they said she was well enough to leave, but if she did then they would stop all processes for home help.

She came home on Tuesday 19th Feb. Could not get Dr's appointments for over a week after she came out. Even took her to the surgery, but nothing.

On Saturday 23rd Feb she rang me to say she had fallen over, and had spent two hours on the floor trying to get up. She didn't ring sooner as she didn't want to disturb my weekend. She was always so unselfish and didn't want me to worry.

Sunday 24th I rang to see if she was ok and did she want shopping. She gave me her list but said her ankle was slightly swollen and she had blisters on her foot. I found this weird as she could barely walk, so it wasn't from rubbing shoes. I went round to her house, and she was adamant about not going back to the hospital. I rang 111 as I wasn't sure. They couldn't advise and said a clinician would ring within 30 mins, and if that didn't happen an ambulance would be requested.

At this point my mum gave in and even asked to go hospital. The ambulance arrived and said she needed to be admitted for her own safety.

We got to the hospital and at this point it is the first time that anyone said anything about her heart. Both legs were swollen, and it was down to this. I never knew anything about heart failure prior to this. Worst thing I could do was google, and I did.

She was admitted that day, and rapidly declined. When she went in she could walk short distances. This soon vanished.

She was moved to an elderly female ward, which I had heard had a lot of end of life care. I asked if this was the prediction, but was told no. She had occupational therapists working to get home help.

She didn't eat from that day of admittance. On day 8 we badgered the hospital about this. One nurse said she wasn't aware that she hadn't eaten at all. Day 9 she ate a boiled egg and some cheese. Day 10 a little more.

Day 11 we were told she was out of bed, and ate breakfast (harrah!). 45 minutes later we had a phone call to tell us to get to the hospital ASAP as she was dying.

Just like that it all changed.

From that moment onwards she never spoke again, as she was always asleep. She had moments of delirium with arms flapping and loud mumbling noises. It was horrible to witness.

They withdrew all medication, and put her on morphine.

She never left her bed again.

Last Wednesday, at 9.27am I received a call to say she had died in her sleep.

I am not doing good. I didn't expect to lose my mum at the age of 34.

I don't have any other relatives, leaving me all on my own to sort everything.

Evenings are the worst, as that would be when I'd pick up the phone to chat about idle stuff.

I don't really know why I gave the full run down above. I guess I just need to get it off my chest.

I have some anger, that she didn't tell anyone that she was poorly when she found out 2 years ago, and could've had something done to help. But most of all, I am just extremely sad and alone, and I don't know how to not have a mum.

Hi

I am so sorry you have lost your mum. Your mum I guess either did not want to admit to herself she was ill or did not want to worry you or maybe decided not to pursue treatment. I lost my mum nearly 18 months ago and I can identify with similar to you as to the rapid decline. Your mum chose not to have treatment at the time she was diagnosed and perhaps she just did not want a round of hospital appointments. Anger is all part of the grief.

I am sorry you are without family to help you. Is there a friend who is supportive? Anyway keep posting on here and you will receive support x

I could identify with comments in your email wanted to reach out.

You will always have a mum as she will always be your mum.

Xx

Category: