1 year today since losing my mum. I can't stop re living the last night I sat up. With her through the night until she slipped into unconsciousness. So many emotions. I feel so tortured and desperate. I know I did all I could but I couldn't help her; the one thing I couldn't do was save her. She passed naturally at 84 after living since 15 with 1 lung the doctors said she far exceeded her life expectancy but it still hurts so much to lose her. I'm feeling so down, more than ever, feeling physically ill and gp is useless.
I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your mum a year ago and are struggling with traumatic memories. Grief is a long process and it is common for it to cause physical symptoms, and also feelings of guilt, even when you have nothing to feel guilty about.
I'm sorry that your GP has not been helpful. It's really important to have some support and somewhere to talk about your feelings. I hope that it helps even a tiny bit to write things down here. You are among people who understand on this site. While you wait for more replies to your post, you may also find it helpful to read and maybe reply to some of the other recent conversations in the Losing a Parent section of the site: https://support.sueryder.org/community/losing-parent
We also offer a free online bereavement counselling service, where you can talk to a professional counsellor via video chat. Find out more here: https://support.sueryder.org/bereavement-counselling
If there is anything I can help with, or you have any questions about using the site, you can get in touch with me at firstname.lastname@example.org.