Hello, I wanted to tell my sad story to try and cope.
A long time ago my parents split up when I was 6, initially my mother didn't want my father to see me and my sister, eventually access was granted from years 8, for every 3 weeks collection and visit.
My Dad was resident with another family who I knew well ( because they used to live down the same street ). Eventually they became a family unit.
It was all very confusing living two lives. When I used to go there, there was no bond no son father building, so I felt I grew up without that. I think Dad didn't know how or found it difficult.
I also grew apart from my sister as she had the same issues and couldn't face being with her as it was omitting my issues.
As the years grew past school and teenage years 20's 30's I had my own things to do. I got married and had two boys.
The other children in the other family also had children of their own, I thought now was the perfect time for Dad to engage with my boys, it was me that took them round, I wanted Dad to make the effort.
As visits got more infrequent, it became tense and difficult to arrive on the doorstep. My children sensed it. They didn't want to go. So I gave up.
Present day, i haven't spoken to my Dad for 5 year.
I received a birthday card at the beginning of July with a post-it note saying please call when you can, I ignored it
Last Friday my wife's parents brought round a letter they received in the post.
"Your Dad has passed away on bank holiday though terminal cancer"
I now so wish I hadn't taken that decision to give up 5 years ago. Perhaps my boys now 16 and 13 would of known Dad better.
I wish I had acted on that post-it note as that was his message to tell me he was dying. Why didn't I think.
I am empty and so sad. Sadest day of my life
My Dad is dead and and I can never amend the problems