My heart is broken without my dad - I also suffer health anxiety since his death

I am just over 4 years on from the day my dad had to go. He was only early 50s. I was in my late 20s. He was my best friend and the one person I relied on in life for support and advice. I love him more than anything. We had a special bond my entire life. I am starting to struggle more and more without my dad. The more time goes by, the more I seem to miss and need him. It is just getting harder - not easier as they say it does with the passing of time. I think a part of me left with my dad. He was half of who I am and I know I will never be the same again. I have tried counselling various times and it just did not work for me. I wonder how other people in similar situations cope? My parents were divorced and I do not speak to my dad's family so I really have nobody to talk to about my dad which is also hard. I wake up during the night regularly and this feeling comes over me as if it is dawning on me my dad is gone. I know I haven't accepted it. The truth is I just don't want to accept he is gone. Another issue I have is I was with my dad when he died of cancer and about a year after he died I started to seriously panic about my own health. Its like I have become a hypochondriac. The slightest sore back for example and my mind automatically jumps to 'what if I have bone cancer in my spine'. It got to the point last year I started to suspect my anxiety was causing me physical pain and symptoms. It's awful to live with. I know this stems from the horror of seeing my dad go the way he did. At times I wonder if I do have some sort of PTSD. I'm just a mess in so many ways over losing him. I have rambled so much. I guess I just hope for some advice on coping mechanisms that work for others. Thanks.

I too can’t get over the death of my mother 18 months ago. And she was 88 so it must be so much worse for you. I only hope it settles in time. On the anxiety about health I know bad things occasionally happen to young people but it’s a bit like winning the lottery. It could be you but the chances are negligible. At your age don’t think about it, keep trying. I don’t suppose you buy many lottery tickets

Best wishe, peter

Hello my lovely
What you are feeling and experiencing is real to you and unravelling it all is part of the process of grieving. There are no answers as to how we process what we have to. It will all unfold as it is meant to and however long it takes is completely individual. Hold the love in your heart and allow it to flow naturally and in it's own time and trust it will do. Grief is not only emotional but physical as well and it all has to reveal itself in whatever form it takes. Don't fight it, allow it in and trust you will heal from it. Your dad is with you every step of the way as he always was and will always continue to be. Love never disappears and never ends. Talk to him and your heart will always listen to his reply. He has only left physically but is still and will always be with you. Talk to him and ask him to help you and he will. He never left you and always remember that. Big hugs

Hi Nicole,

So sorry to hear of your loss. I too lost my beautiful Dad to cancer, he was 61.

I received counselling for a while before and after he died, which helped to an extent with knowing what to expect from grief.

It's been 19 months since my Dad died and today I have spent a lot of the day just weeping. Some days I'm okay but others I simply want to cry my heart out.

I'm not sure it ever gets easier really. I've read that it's important to carry on a relationship with the person who has died. For example, I still talk to my Dad, light a candle for him sometimes, look at photos constantly. I was telling someone a funny story about him the other day which really made me laugh. Are there some little rituals you can implement into your life to remember him by?

Is there a certain place that reminds you of your Dad? Perhaps you can go there and sit quietly and remember some good times. I'm sorry, I don't really have any advice for you but if you would like to talk please send me a message.

As far back as I can remember I have been a hypochondriac and like you feel acutely anxious about getting cancer or another horrible disease. I haven't really figured out a way to cope with it really, but I do follow a woman called Sheryl Paul (www.conscious-transitions.com) and her work centres around anxiety and she writes in her blog about health and death anxiety.

I read a small passage, I wish I could find it which said something along the lines of we accept hundreds of uncertainties in daily life (e.g. we could crash if we drive a car, get run over if you walk into the road etc) but we don't give these a second thought. We can never be 100% sure our health is 100% fine so we need to work on accepting that fact, just like we accept the uncertainty of we might choke if we eat some cake (bad example I know).

I also recently read a book called Calm the F*ck Down about anxiety. It's quite jokey and colloquial in nature but it gets you to rate the actual probability of your worries coming true and encourages you to question what you can actually control in life.

Hey nicole. I understand how ur feeling. Since my mum passed, i think about my passing a lot. I worry about my health, if i have made good decisions, if im a good person...and even the slightest twinge and im thinking its cancer, or something equally as serious. Ive started walking to stop myself thinling too much, maybe that could help.

In reply to Nicole37

Hi Nicole, i lost my dad almost 18-months ago and i too miss him dearly. Everyone has a different situation and everyone grieves differently but sometimes you have to think what he would want for you. I am sure if you were so close that he would want you to follow in his foot steps and be an amazing person. Its easier said than done, but it might help to think about what he would want for you.

In reply to Nicole37

Hi Nicole, i lost my dad almost 18-months ago and i too miss him dearly. Everyone has a different situation and everyone grieves differently but sometimes you have to think what he would want for you. I am sure if you were so close that he would want you to follow in his foot steps and be an amazing person. Its easier said than done, but it might help to think about what he would want for you.

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