Only child coping with mum’s death

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Hi all,
Thanks Rainey for your message on my one month anniversary. Felt a bit let down by friends as only one asked how I was. So that didn’t help an already dreaded day. Sorry I’m so negative tonight but just struggling having found a voicemail from Mum still saved on my phone which I’m pleased about but it’s also brought me right back down again as 14 days later she was dead and yet was so full of life then.

Sorry to hear what you’ve been through Ann and now with your Mum too. It must be so difficult I cannot bear to imagine. Although you’ve been through this before and I hadn’t until Dec 2017 I would imagine myself with it my mum and it terrified me even though I knew her time was gradually running out I just couldn’t imagine existing but I am - it’s now one month and 2 days and today’s voicemail has hit me hard as I didn’t realise I still had it on my ‘visual voicemail’ so I’ve forwarded it to my email, I cloud everywhere! Somehow your mum is right you will cope. Being an only child is hard I feel. Mum had written me a note I found after she’d passed and she said ‘it will be painful but you will manage with time’ . I’m trying to use her make sure I ‘follow her guidance’ but more than anything I miss just picking up the phone and talking to her. It breaks my heart that I can’t. I miss her physically too obviously but as each day goes on it’s another day further away from her.

Aww Rachel you’ve been through it too with loosing your mum only 3 days before me. On the 9th mine was starting to become unresponsive and shakey and the 10th she also had a mini stroke in the afternoon but she still managed to kiss me goodbye - I couldn’t believe it. I will treasure that forever. I had the funeral in between Christmas and new year. It’s so so hard as it’s just me and my cat.

Thinking of you all xx

Hi Rachel,
So sorry to hear what you have been through. I completely understand.
You must have been in shock through Christmas,but as that wears off the reality sets in - that’s what is happening to me now.
How are you managing day to day?? I am back at work part time as not strong enough,mentally,to go back full time. But still don’t have anyone to talk to IRL about my grief so start bereavement counselling tomorrow. I am pinning all my hopes on that.
My dad is emotionally unavailable so although I have supported him and made sure he has food,clean clothes etc etc, he is unable to emotionally support me at all. I don’t have a partner or any kids or close family who I can’t talk to, it’s very very hard.
The only bit of advice I can give from inside the storm of grief is take it day by day. Don’t think of next week or next month. Just get through 24hrs and then get through the next.
Sending you love and strength. xx

Hi
So sorry to meet in these circumstances. I lost my mum 3 months ago and my only sibling many years ago. I do thankfully have my dad. Sending supportive thoughts to you

Dear All.

I don't know about you all but I already feel a little comfort that there are other people out there who understand. It is so hard talking openly to friends who simply have no clue what we are going through.

I have had some counceling sessions and they do help as they allow you to just pour out your emotions without censoring what you are thinking so I would recommend councelling to anyone. I also try to go to yoga once a week as it is a chance to focus just on the current moment which is hard to do usually. Anything you can do that helps you focus just on the present moment is useful.

Today has been a hard day for me with my mum very weak, sleeping a lot and carers letting me down but even so, I just about got through it, just as you have all got through today too ❤

My concellor explained grief as being getting through a storm at sea. There is no quick way out, you just have to ride the waves. That made sense to me and now I allow myself to feel whatever I am feeling day by day.

I hope you all have a peaceful night. Thank you for being there for each other and much love to you all. X

In reply to AnnAnnie

Hi AnnAnnie,

I'm so sorry to hear about your losses and your mum's diagnosis. I'm glad to see you are getting some supportive replies in this conversation and I hope you find it helpful. I just wanted to let you know that, if you would find it helpful, you can also start a new conversation in the Terminal Illness section of the community to get more support with your feelings about your mum's illness, or being her carer.

If there's anything I can help with, or you have any questions about the Online Community, you can contact me on online.community@sueryder.org.

Priscilla
Community Manager

In reply to Lucy999

Hi everyone, just wondering how everyone has been today? Just to let you know I am thinking of you all. We are going to have good days and bad days and neither are wrong! Xx big hugs Rachel

Hi
I lost my mum 3 months ago, I do thankfully have my dad. I have no surviving sibling or other family.

Hi Rachel
I've been a combination of numb and normal today. No tears for once. Such a roller coaster all this! Someone I know who lost her mum 10 years ago says that's just what it is, a roller coaster that you just have to ride out. Hope you and everyone else on this thread got through today ok. Xx

Hi JayDee,
You are in a very similar situation to me. It’s horrendouslu hard,isn’t it.
We just have to try and take it day by day don’t we.
Sending you strength.
Rainey

Hello everyone,
It is indeed comforting to know that I’m alone In all this.
Today I had my first counselling session - I cried for an hour. The first fine since my mum died that I cried in front of another person.
Next week i’m Taking in some photos of my mum so I can talk about her, which I don’t get to do with my dad.
Sending you all strength to you through the week.
Rainey

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