Only child coping with mum’s death


Hi All

Just wondered how you are all doing?

On the face of it I seem to be doing ok but I can get knocked for 6 by the slightest things. I miss my mum and dad so much.

Mothers day is coming up and it is filling me with dread. I knew last year's card would be the last I bought for my mum. It was such a difficult time and now it is just quiet and sad.

Just wanted to reach out to see how you are all doing.

Ann xx

Hi Ann Lovely to hear from you. Yes it is hard because when it was Father’s Day last year I found that incredibly difficult so I can appreciate how you feel. What you need to remember is that your Mum is at peace now as is your Dad and they are always with you. Cards and reminders are all around so remember your Mum on this day and all the happy times you had with both your parents. You are you because of them. You will always miss them as I will always miss my Dad. Take care of yourself Lynne x

Hi Lynne,

Thank you so much for the reply. You are so right in that we are who we are because of our parents. I tell myself that a lot and I still do things so that they would be proud of me, even though they are no longer here.

How are things with you? How is your mum doing? How are you feeling now about your dad?

Ann xxx

Will like you always miss my Dad and most of all miss talking to him. Mum is doing well and we are becoming closer which is nice. So things are good. I sometimes write Dad a letter where I can write down all my feelings, letting him know how we are. I find this comforting when I feel a bit low. You take care xx

Ah. That's a nice idea writing him a letter. X

I'm pleased your mum is doing better and you are getting closer. That is a really lovely thing to come out of all this.

Take care
Ann xx

You take care too Ann and if you ever need a chat drop me a message Lynne x

In reply to rainey

Hi Rainey, I too am an only child and I can totally relate to how you are feeling. I unfortunately lost my husband in December after a six year fight against bowel cancer. Both my parents are still alive but my Mum aged 89 has dementia and Dad aged 95 has mobility problems.They totally refused to have carers and until December 2017 i was struggling alone to look after them and support my husband. Mum had a fall and ended up in hospital and in January 2018 she was admitted to a care home. I have felt so guilty about this but as last year progressed and my husband deteriorated there was no way I could have continued to care for her at home. I now run my Dad’s home as well as my own, deal with all of their financial affairs as well as all the dealings of my own since my husband died. My Dad is the opposite to yours and gets emotional and worries excessively about everything! Sometimes I feel like I just want to disappear! I don’t want to be a burden to my own two children, but like you i wish someone would just take care of me for a change! Keep Strong, I think us only children are made of strong stuff! Sending you my best wishes.

Hi there. Have just read your message and you have had a lot to deal with. Have you had any support at all for example counselling or contact with a local carers support group. You cannot do everything alone and you really sound like you need to get some help. You are trying to deal with your husband's death too and you should be getting some support from for example Macmillan, Marie Cure or similar. Seeking help is a sign of true strength because I sought help following my Dad's death and now that I care for Mum realise that I cannot do all this alone. I also constantly think of what my Dad would be saying and that would be to take care of your Mum but not at the expense of your own life. Mum now has care three times a day in her own home and I live 35 minutes away and make sure she has everything she needs plus see her for a couple of days a week and it is working well. I too deal with all her financial affairs etc.
What would your husband be saying to you now? You sound an incredibly strong person and you have dealt and are dealing with so much. Are there any other family members you can turn to? I am really concerned for your wellbeing so please reach out and seek some help. You have to take care of yourself. Best wishes to you Lynne x

14mo on for me, dad passed suddenly. Only way mum can cope is not talking about him or marking anything.... But that feels wrong to me, I'm scared I'm forgetting things. And I desperately want my now 5yo to remember him too. It's very lonely.