It's 14mo from my dad passing, sometimes it feels like yesterday of course. I'm doing my best to support my mum, and of course I want a much quality time with her as I can. But she gets very anxious and I call her most nights. I end up getting annoyed and impatient with her because I am her sounding board, and everything has to be disected and planned and worried about. I realise i am then carrying that frustration into my relationships with my husband and young children. I'm ending up resenting her wasting my precious time worrying over things, sometimes it's things that I feel I have caused and then I feel guilty....... Its a vicious cycle. I'm exhausted. Would counselling help? What can I do? :(
Only child supporting mum
I'm sorry to hear you have lost your dad. I was an only child too and I know how it feels for a third of your close family to suddenly dissapear.
I lost my dad almost 2 years ago. I loved him dearly. My story got worse as a month later my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer and I lost her a year after my dad. It truly has been a horrific time for me and I am not saying this to out trump you on the grief stakes. Any loss is awful.
I know my mum would have missed my dad terribly if she had not got brain and other cancer first. It must be so hard to lose your life partner. I also know, if she had been well, I would probably have been irritated with her too and also felt guilty, just like you. I think being an only child has a special burden on us as we learned to act as such a small unit where as others focus their getting irritated skills with their siblings?
I wonder if you can encourage your mum to take up some new hobbies or ask her friends to help you support her while she must still be grieving?
Maybe being honest with her about how you are feeling is an option? Maybe doing something you don't usually do together will help you feel closer?
I really hope you make quality time for each other. Mum's are very special people after all.
Thankyou Ann, I am so sorry for your loss. What a horrific time. I hope you are managing to cope and Thankyou for making me feel less alone when you talk about the burden of being an only child.
It is a burden but in some ways a blessing. We have never had to fight for our parents attention and never had siblings to fight with? I have heard so many people who fall out with siblings when life gets tough so at least we can pick and choose our friends.
This forum has helped me a lot so I hope you find it a good place to vent and realise you are not alone.
I come here when I want a break from burdening my regular friends and I find I don't get judged here so can just open up and have a good moan.
Hope things settle down a bit with your mum.