Suddenly shes gone. Now what?

On april 23rd My beautiful mother was taken from me with lung cancer. Only she wasnt just my mam, she was my best friend, my soul mate. Every day we would spend together, i would drop my 4 children off to school and then we would head out and do something for the day. Or do our shopping or simply just sit and drink coffee. My mam was 1 of the reasons i woke on a morning. To make sure she was ok and we always had a saying “as long as we see the sun rise and the sunset then today is going to be a good day, only now i watch the sunrise and set on my own. She gone and the kids are at school and without realizing ive been sat on the sofa for hours wondering whats happened to get to this point. What now? Where do i even begin to start my life over without her in it and go on in life??? Sometimes i forget for a split second and i find myself laughing at something the kids have done and then the guilt of being happy for a moment just smacks me right back. I miss her! I miss her smell, her voice her morning love you texts. I miss her not walking thru my door every day. I just want her back, i just want everthing to be back to normal. The day she died in my arms was the day i feel like a piece of me died with her. And i dont know what to do?! I have friends and family and i talk to them but somwtimes i feel like im just going over the same thing all the time and i dont want to ruin there day by talking about the day mam left me. I feel like a burden sometimes. So im hoping this site can help me find my way and realize im not alone in this.

Hi Emma,

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother - it sounds as though you were really close and it's understandable that you miss her very much. It's important to allow yourself plenty of time and space to grieve. Try to take things day by day and not look too far into the future.

I'm sorry to see that you didn't get any replies to your post, so I am just bumping it up to the top of the listings again. In the meantime, you might also find it helpful to look at some of the other recent conversations in the Losing a Parent section of the site, where you will see that you are definitely not alone in how you are feeling.

Yes Emma. I too am so sorry I missed your post. I am sure others will be too. There are so many new posts I don't know how the Admin cope. They do and thank God for them.
The pain you feel is universal in grief, but it often feels as if we are alone, isolated in our pain. Far from it! Everyone here knows how you feel and the kindness and love comes over so strongly.
You are NOT a burden here. No way! People react in so many different ways to grief. Outside appearances in no way show true feelings. Most of us manage a smile when asked how we are, and we usually manage to respond with 'I'm ok thanks'. What can you say? Unless you know the pain you can't possibly experience it.
No, please don't feel guilt if you feel any relief. Would she have wanted that? Your mum is still with you in Spirit and always will be. Such love as yours can overcome all. It's very early days so take it easy. You have your kids to consider so you can give them all the love you obviously have. But give yourself some too, you need it.
We all know about the key in the door; the missing sounds around the house. The awful feeling of isolation. We so want to get back to what we called 'normality'. Slowly, very slowly, we need to look ahead. It's all dark at the moment, I know, but that very dim light is there.
Bless you.

Hi Emma,

I can’t offer any words of advice as I’m in a similar lost situation after losing my Dad, but reading your post it resonated with me because you lost a parent who was also your best friend.

Amanda x

I know exactly what you mean my mum is my whole world.

Thank you everyone for your replies. Can i ask you all how did you xope with xmas? Its a huge thing and very traditional in our family and with having 4 children i know i have to do it but i dont know how im gunna cope having xmas without her im still struggling day to day without her the thought of just even puttin a tree up this year gives me anxiety. What do i do!? How dis u all manage the first xmas without your loved ones. X

The first Christmas without my Mum was hard, I was adament I wasn't celebrating and then I remembered how much my Mum loved Christmas and so I put the tree up for her, I took it down again and put it back up a further two times. In the end I didn't want to lose something I shared with my Mum.

I don't know how I'll cope this year now without my Dad, I don't have any children and the family children are grown, so maybe this year it'll just be the small tree at my Mum and now Dad's grave.