When will it get easier?

I lost my Mum last summer when I was 8 months pregnant with my first child and I'm really struggling. I feel I coped better straight after she died as I was so busy caring for my newborn but now that he's a bit older I'm starting to find I have more and more time to myself and with my own thoughts. If anything, as time goes on I'm finding it harder and harder to live without Mum. Birthdays, Christmas, special occasions and holidays all just remind me that she's missing. I'm not sure if I'll ever feel truly happy again.

Hi Sarahlanders

Just wanted to say I am sorry you are having such a tough time. Having a young baby is a difficult time anyway so there is no surprise you are struggling.

Do you have many people to talk to? We are all supportive here and know how awful grief is so this site has helped me a lot.

Can your midwife/ social services contacts offer any help? Mental health is a big topic for them and grief is a real challenge mentally so I recommend asking for as much help as you can. I have found counselling and rambling on here more useful than relying on friends.

Take care

Ann xx

Hi Sarah,

Please remember you are still in the very early stages of your grief. My Dad died in October 2017 and eight months on I distinctly remember feeling that the grief was getting worse.

From what I’ve read, when you first lose someone you are “numb” for quite some time, this serves as a protective mechanism because if you felt all the emotions at once you would be completely overcome.

I found that as that numbness wore off over the months the grief intensified.

It’s 18 months now since I lost my beautiful Dad. I have to say I am nowhere near as lowly as I was, but it is still so hard and it still hits me regularly that he’s gone.

The milestones are difficult but I find solace in marking them with my family. For his birthday we had afternoon tea in the garden, we all gathered for the first anniversary of his death etc.. Father’s Day is hell though.

I sought grief counselling from my local hospice which helped to an extent. Also watching TED talks on grief has been comforting. Mostly I find a good cry is best, let it all out.

Be kind to yourself, having lost your Mum and having a child are two massive life events, no wonder you are feeling low.

Please take care and feel free to message me if you want someone to talk to.

Sending love.

This brings back memories of 30 years ago when my father passed away with cancer just before I got to hear that my only child, my daughter was expecting...My father never got to meet, see his great-grandson...Now he would be more even more prouder if he was here to see my grandson who now has a 3 & a half year old boy keeping our family name going down the line...
Sarah, your mother is watching over you and her grandchild, she is there, it is just that you cant see her, the same as I know my father is very much still a part of our life, only he is now with my mother-his wife...
Show your child all the photos of mom as your child gets older, tell your child all about his grandma...
Apologies as you haven't mentioned whether you had a little girl or a boy...

Jackie..

Sarah...
...oh yes you have, you mentioned when he's a bit older..you gave birth to a boy..
My avatar photo above is of my longstanding partner who I lost suddenly at home just over 5 weeks ago, we never had children together but I was 18 when I gave birth to my only daughter, as I mentioned my daughters grand dad passed away with cancer not knowing his granddaughter was soon to get pregnant..

Jackie..

I lost my mum 18 months ago. I never would say that it gets easier, but it will get more bearable, if that makes any sense. I was just like u, the rock of the family, i was, and still am, the one everyone looks to. Even though im the youngest of 9,lol. I was the closest to mum when things got bad, even though everyone did their best. Anyways, all i meant to say is that it does get easier to live with. What i found that helps is that i still talk to mim like shes still here. I am so sorry for u and hope that this hepls.x

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