Alone lost my husband


On the 9th November, very quickly and not expected my husband died in hospital. I had to call an ambulance his breathing was so bad. He had kidney cancer and had been on a trial drug that didn't appear to be working. He had just started immunotherapy on the Thursday before and we were so hopefull for some more time and good results.
We emergrated to Canada 8 years ago when he retired and were living the dream. All our children grown up and living their own lives. Now I feel totally isolated. I am back in the UK but know I have to go back to an empty house but a house he loved so much. It's all so frightening.

Jo, you’ll find some help from others on this forum who are better than me at articulating condolences.
We’re all going through it, and there’s a sense of togetherness born of common experience.

Sorry you have found yourself on this site. It's frightening for us all Jo. I lost my wife a month ago and my tears haven't stopped. I can't see anyway forwards. I'm barely managing to get through each day. How do people manage I don't know. I just go hour to hour day by day. You will find some comfort on this site, your not alone xxx

In reply to Jo c

Hello Jo. I am so sorry for your loss. I know that the pain is indescribable, you will be in utter disbelief and total shock. I lost my husband in June 2017 very suddenly. No illness, very fit and healthy man and then out of nowhere came a cardiac arrest. If I look back to those early days, where you are now, I think I just groped around in the fog, everything was a bit of a blur. The fog has cleared but I think a kind of mist remains.

You mention about returning to an empty house but because it's a home your husband loved I hope it won't be as bad as you think it might be. It's where I like to be the most, it's where I feel closest to my husband. He's everywhere around me. The home we built together. Things he fixed, his toothbrush in the bathroom, his shower gel in the shower tray, his dressing gown hanging, his mug in the kitchen - so many things which now give me comfort. Outside he is everywhere. I hear the crunch of his feet on the gravel, his work coat hanging in the garage. He lived and still lives here in this house with me.

Don't misunderstand me though, I can still rant and rave. I still have moments of tears, quite unexpectedly at times and I think I always will. Sometimes I yell at the top of my voice, usually when I'm travelling in the car so nobody can hear me.

It's very early days for you and of course you will still be feeling your way through that fog, but please take comfort in knowing you are not alone. There are so many of us on this site going through the same. We know. Unfortunately.
Sending love and hugs xx

That's a really lovely way of explaining how you feel. And although I'm still in the fog and not the mist, it's exactly how I feel xxx

In reply to Stevie wee

Good morning Stevie. I have no doubt that you're still in the fog as very early days for you too. The fog will lift one day though, but it can never clear completely because of the love we have for our husbands/wives. A love which is powerful and all consuming, dictating that we walk in the mist forever until we meet again and only then will the sun blaze in all it's glory once more.

The weather can provide a powerful adage to convey our moods and feelings. Others have used the tide to explain the ebb and flow of our tears etc and being engulfed and overwhelmed by crashing waves. All of them perfect description of the grief we have to bear.

However, Stevie, I continue to walk in the mist with pride. Pride in that I was married to the most wonderful man who ever lived.

Much love x

Love your post,lovely words ,I feel just like that x

Hi Crazy Kate
Reading your posts always make me feel better. My dear Ian passed 16 weeks ago and like you I have no intention of moving his stuff. His slippers are still by his chair, his dressing gown hanging up. It keeps him alive, and he is still with me. He will always be my husband and our love will never die. It's bloody hard at times, the pain unbearable but he is with me and will see me through this terrible journey until we are together again.
Love Julie x

Thank you Julie and Robina. This forum has given me great comfort and I try to give a little bit back in return. I wish with all my heart that we didn't have to walk this journey of grief. But we do and it helps, if only a little, that we're not walking it alone. Let's all hold virtual hands and walk through the mist together... sending love xx

Thank you for your kind words. I struggle to sleep since I've been back in the UK and this site settles me a little. Knowing I'm not alone.