The time has come when I must take a deep breath and go back to work. Whether or not I’m ready, we shall see but I feel that maybe the time is right.
My wonderful husband passed away 2 months ago, only 2 and a half weeks after being diagnosed with cancer. The past few weeks have been hell, not only trying to process the shock and grief but all the practical things like sorting out bank accounts etc.
I was dreading my first Christmas without him, especially as it came so soon after him passing but realised today that it was actually a distraction and “normality” is far worse.
Today I ironed my work clothes and got my bag ready as I would on any other Sunday but today he was not here watching his daft tv programmes and talking to me about what jobs he’d got on this week. It broke my heart all over again. I could take more time off but don’t think I will ever be more ready. I just have to do it. I also have to prove to myself that I can do it. I have amazing colleagues who will look after me if I have a wobble and as I work in a school we are all going back at the same time which makes it easier.
So, it’s up early, deep breaths and plenty of tissues at the ready.