Continued growth?


I'm sitting here deep in thought this morning. The silence is almost deafening. It has occurred to me how my relationship with my husband continues to grow and move forward.

In the beginning of our relationship in life, it was all about the passion. But love affairs move forward and although the passion remains, it begins to take a back seat. We become more relaxed and comfortable with each other and the silences are no longer awkward. And so the love and relationship continues to grow until we become one, thinking, speaking and moving in the same way.

Is this how it is also in death? Our love continues to grow and indeed move forward. At the beginning is grief the passion? Will it, can it, take a back seat? Will we, can we, become more relaxed and comfortable with our grief? Maybe we can. I hope so. I certainly don't cry as much but what does that mean? I miss him as much as ever, that's for sure. My grief will always remain and I wouldn't want it not to.

Too much deep pondering this morning me thinks...

Oh thank you Kate for this post this morning,it's strange i have been pondering in deep thought too,your post has lifted my spirit,i feel exactly the same.As you said the love grows and moves forward with us,i love my hubby more every day.I dare to say and think that maybe we can become for comfortable with our grief,and i too have waves of emotion.I watched the last part of Watership down this morning,i know it's all about rabbits,but it reflects human life so well and it is very spiritual,made me cry,but that's ok.Like you i will miss my husband till i go,that will never change it's a fact,and i have days where i would say i have a desperation for him to be here,but it passes and i return to a calmer self,loving him,thinking of him and talking to him,smiling while i do.The bond we have with our loved ones seems to strengthen and yes like you said continues to grow until we become one,i love the way you said that.xx

Thank you Robina. I love your thoughts and I am always interested to read what you have to say. You write well and I like your reference to the bond we have with our loved one.

It's now almost 19 months for me since that fateful day and there are fleeting moments when I feel I'm turning a corner but then I take at least 2 steps back again. But there is no doubt that I am more accepting of my grief therefore more at ease with it. Does that make sense? I feel my husband with me every step of the way. Xx

Thank you Kate
Words can be so powerful,they can lift you and bring you down,i suppose depending on our own perception,and your words may i say, resonate,have a deeper meaning.I have always been a deep thinker,more so now than ever before,i sense you are too,reading your articulate posts which give lots to think about.I like to think more deeply ,i think i'm searching for a chink of a eureka moment,where i feel "Yes that makes sense,i can work with that"
Yes i understand,it's nearly 11 months for me,like yourself i move forward slightly,back ,forward again,i think as long as we can accept that this is how it is,and not feel too bad about ourselves for slipping back.We can self talk a lot to ourselves,and i know there is no rule book for grief,"would,should ,could,"The accepting of it all seems to be a forward move ,the emotion of it all can take me back,but i don't feel i have ever returned back to the beginning,so like yourself Kate, i think we must be, like you said, more at ease with it,and it makes sense to me.I too feel my husband with me,how could it be any other way,the layers upon layers of life experiences we created with our loved ones,have securely joined us,connected us together forever.xx

I am standing by Eileen’s grave as I write this, my daily visit to talk and tend.
I feel like I want to ponder that opening post - but first a quick nip into church, then home for an espresso.
How I love this wonderful, remarkable lady !

Fifteen weeks today, almost to the minute, since we laid her to rest here.

Bless you Edwin. Xx

In reply to robina

Thank you Robina. Sending you love to see you through xx

Hi Kate. A very thought-inspiring post. Two have become one now but emotionally we are still together, so still one in that respect.
I am finding, 8 months on, that I am not as tear-struck as I was in the early months, at the realisation that certain events won't be the same.....trips up the motorway always him driving, that visit to the motor museum that never happened, him making me a cup of tea, etc etc etc. Although I'm still floored when I add to this list, it seems a little more manageable when I have a new realisation moment....not sure why. Maybe it's a self-protection device that is within us but we aren't aware of.
Big hug. Xxx

Thank you Annette. How I loved sitting next to my husband in the car. We too would visit motor museums and so many cups of tea. My husband never left home without a flask. Wherever we went he always had a cup of tea at the ready for me. I find I can smile now when I think of these endearing moments...xx