Sitting in my cab sobbing like a baby. Never felt so lonely in my life. Not alone but lonely. There is a difference isn't there x

I am new to this forum my husband died on the 1st January and funeral was on the 28th. The pain of losing him is indescrable. Mornings are my worst time of day, also sleep pattern not good. Does anyone suffer this too. Some times as I am writing this I just do not want to be here without him. As the day continues I start to feel a bi better.

Sorry indescribable, cannot even read or spell correctly at the moment

In reply to Christina47

Probably the question should be does anyone not suffer like this. Your description would be recognised by everybody here I would think.
It's exactly 26 weeks for me today... half a year and the pain is sometimes a little less, the tears are a little less frequent, the sleeping is a bit more. That's probably because I've got a little better at coping, or even managing, all those things. We learn the skills of survival but we never forget. We learn how to pretend we are living and time moves on. We instinctively know what will make us feel worse and sometimes we do things or think things as a distraction.
In time you will take stock and realise all this is happening. Until then, unfortunately, it's just getting through the next minute, the next hour, the next day.
Hopefully you can get some sort of comfort here, a sense of belonging and maybe some hope.

Thanks Yorkshire lad, some of the advice you have given I have thought myself. My first husband died in 1998. I remarried in 2005. My second chance at happiness, I now live alone , hate it. Do you also live alone?

In reply to Christina47

Unfortunately I now live alone in a house where once it was filled with six of us. Two of us came to this house 42 years ago.
It's much too big for me. I suppose I lived alone as a student but it wasn't really alone. I'm fortunate in that my wife encouraged me to develop my solitary interests. I walked alone, I camped alone, and we had quite different lives. I don't like living alone but I'm trying to learn how to do it. I don't think I have consistent feelings as some days everything seems much worse than others. I'm really glad that I have 4 kids and 7 grandchildren and I see so much of my wife in them.
Life seems to have been doubly cruel to you and I expect it may feel even more painful.

You’re so right. The physical loneliness is hard enough, not having anyone to cuddle up to or a hand to hold, but the mental loneliness, if I can call it that, is even more painful. It’s like there’s an empty space that can’t be filled and although we can push it to one side when we are busy or with other people it’s always there waiting to slap us in the face again when we are on our own. How can “nothing” be so painful? X

Yes, yes, yes Stevie, there certainly is. I don’t know what to say to you. It’s an unbearable pain. Sending a hug for you x

It’s the funeral tomorrow for my amazing husband. I really don’t know how I feel about that. I see it as the formality of what I’ve been existing with for the last 11 days. Can tomorrow really be any worse than those days, and the days to come. I very much doubt it. Maybe I’m deluded!

I too have children, and grandchildren. I have three stepsons and 8 grandchildren. My family is very supportive but nobody can fix it for us. I am going to stay with my daughter and family for a week. A little apprehensive that when I return home I will feel worse