I wouldn’t even want it to be honest, Kate. Mines certainly still a very open book. It will close when I join him and not before. I already love him even more than I did 11 days ago....I intend to continually do him proud, or try at least. I intend to continue to talk to him, remember him, and love him more and more. The emptiness I’m sure will never go away nor will the heartbreak and missing him but closure, why would I ever want that xx

I don’t know about closure.
After 7 months I’m still struggling to accept I will never get to see,speak or touch Margaret again. I hate my life now.

cw13, thinking of you today.

Thank you Edwin. I appreciate that a lot

All the best for today. Xx

Cw13, I hope today goes as well as it can. Sending love x

In reply to cw13

Morning, it is all very raw for you at present, everything is a dense fog, some days are dreadful, some days aren't that bad, emotions are haywire and like all of us, you're operating in auto pilot. It was my husband's birthday 5th Feb, another 1st anniversary, it will be 9 months on 19th Feb since he passed. Not a minute of the day is he not I my thoughts. This morning I woke, practically leaped out of bed as I honestly thought he was coming home. I got myself all excited at the prospect of seeing him, only when I realised, my mid was still in my dreamstate as I woke and I was carrying on dreaming even though I was awake.

You will find great comfort from postings on this forum, I know I have, it's also a good way to offload your fears and emotions. You'll find that at some stage we're all going through the same feelings in one form or another, and take one step forward the next 3 steps could be backwards. New Year was particularly difficult for me, 31st December is my birthday and we always went away for New year, I still want although was hesitant a few times, met up with our friends and in glad I went, getting back home, bringing the case and bag from the car, sorting the water and heating out, it hit me like a ton of bricks, these were the things Alan always did as I put the kettle on. In that split second I was back in May, at square one again.

You'll find some days will be slightly calmer than others, then some days will become completely roller coaster days.

All any of us can do is to take each day one at a time, every step, however small is a step if giants.

Take care, blessings ☆