Feeling out of step?



I just wanted to know if anyone is having the same experience I am since the loss husband couple of months ago.

I’ve tried to help myself by getting out & about, ive been out for dinner with family, I’ve been out for a walk with friends, dinner in with friends, all of these events I used to do while my husband was alive but he often didn’t attend due to work commitments so I thought all of these outings would help me as these were often outings I did alone.

However each outing has been very strange, its as though I don’t belong anymore? As though I’m now a round peg trying to fit into a square hole?

There all chatting away & im sitting there thinking ther3 all humans and I feel like a alien?

It has ended up with me going home in tears, I do want to feel better as fed up feeling miserable but don’t know what to do to help myself?

I want to be myself again & part of the world, it’s like I’m a spectator looking in on life on Earth that I’m not a part of anymore.

Does what I’m saying make sense to anyone?

I know exactly what you mean, I am 7 months in, my husband died of sepsis very suddenly and since then I feel like an actor in a bad movie, nothing seems real, when I am out with friends I feel like I am watching myself act like I have always done knowing I am different now but can't explain why, it is a very surreal experience, I seem to be wading through mud and getting nowhere, but I keep going hoping that I will eventually find a more comfortable way to live with my grief. Take care x

Shortly after my husband passed away, I went to an event I used to enjoy and one he'd never have attended. I too felt like an alien, couldn't explain it and I've never attended that event again.

It's as though our status changed the moment our husbands passed to the spirit world.

I understand completely how you felt when surrounded by those you always felt comfortable with. I don't have the answers, suffice to say, our only difference to the outside world is that our husbands have passed, yet people we thought of as friends suddenly treat us very differently. They may feel uncomfortable but that doesn't help us to build the new existence we are now faced with. We aren't the aliens it is the world that has become alien to us and our new enforced status

Truly hope I am helping and not upsetting you.

Sending blessings to let you know you are not alone in your feelings.

Take care
Jen ☆

Thank you barb on & Jen

Flower Garden...
...yes it is making complete sense to me, this is our future, we are now making a life for ourselves that we would rather not be having to make as all we want is our partner back with us continuing with our old life, our past life, our safe life, the life we have gotten used to for the past x amount of years...


...that is a good way of putting it...." We aren't the aliens it is the world that has become alien to us, " ....and our new enforced status...

Thank you Jackie, makes me wonder if grief should be seen as an illness, and there were convalescence homes where you could spend some time with others going through the same thing, before you go back to your life to try & make a future?

Flower garden, our new future will only be the same, very unpredictable and forever changing...even a convalescent home wont bring our partners back...


Hi Flowegarden, I too lost my husband a few weeks ago and have been doing a similar round of social events and know exactly how you feel. I've even felt it with all female groups and also I can't stop thinking that they're going home to someone and I'm not.
Everything just takes so much effort to get yourself out there, I'm not sure it's worth it, but I can't stand being on my own. Although everyone is trying so hard to look after me I just feel like a spare part.
I don't know about you, but I'm still very numb so am in a bit of a permanent fog but with dreadful waves of emotion and anxiety that take my breath away. I'm told it's early days so I suppose we just have to keep going.
Take care xx

Hi She 123, i know exactly what you mean, I didn’t know you could feel like this, feels awful, the only positive I can think of is that you see older widows who lost there husbands decades earlier & there smiling so maybe time is the answer.