Husband died suddenly and unexpectedly.


Hi, my 48 yr old husband died at the end of July one week after his birthday when we were away for a weekend break in Wales. Totally devastated. Finding this really hard to cope with emotionally. Just so very sad. I am off work at the moment and comments are starting about when am I thinking about going back into work. I just dont feel emotionally strong enough and feel like nobody can possibly understand this.
Im a very independant person and so do feel like I can cope with the practical 'doing' things, but cant cope with the overwhelming sadness. Just cant comprehend the rest of my life without him. I have two teenage daughters and a teenage step daughter all of which add complications. Im struggling to talk about all of this.

Trying this forum to see if reaching out to other people in similar situations may help me.

Hi Mojo.
I'm not really in a similar situation to you. My wife died in August but it was expected, although nothing in life had really prepared me for it. I took very early retirement but I've reached a point now where maybe going to work wouldn't be that bad a thing as it would give me some sort of purpose.
I hope you will get replies from people who have much more relevant experience. In the meanwhile you should be able to find many relevant threads on the forum which will resonate with you.
My advice would be to avoid looking too far into the future as it's a scary place for all sorts of reasons and it probably will not look anything like you imagine when we get there.

Hi mojo sorry for your loss I lost my partner in May suddenly he was only 48. All I can say is take one day at a time and get lots of support . People asked me when was I going back to work which I thought was an odd thing to say. Unfortunately grief is the hardest things we have to deal with this forum has helped me and I hope it helps you too.
Take care
Christine x

In reply to Mojo

Dear Mojo, I am so sorry for your loss, it must have been an awful shock to lose your dear husband so suddenly and unexpectedly. Its still very early days for you. My dear husband died 12 months ago, he had been ill, underwent massive surgery and had a very positive outcome and was doing really well. We were totally shocked when he died suddenly and unexpectedly.
I agree, it is really hard to find someone to talk to about all of this, you don't want to keep upsetting your family with your sadness. I found counselling helped me, and I'm wondering if you have thought about this?
I think you will know if, and when, you want to return to work, if you don't feel emotionally strong enough, then its likely to be too soon for you.
Take care of yourself if you can, try to get some support ~
Reaching out on this forum is a very good step forward, I have found it has helped me greatly to be able to let my feelings out and to know someone is listening who truly understands.
Elaine x

Hi Elaine, thank you for your kind words and sharing your exprience.
I have been referred for some counselling by my occupational health nurse. Im not great talking about my feelings with friends and family and so Im going to give the counselling a try. Im struggling with the shear loss of him and the events of the night that he died. Also full of regret for not appreciating him more which is making me feel guilt. Ive learned a horrible lesson that we should never take anything for granted as it can be taken away so suddenly and without warning. Life is so cruel and unfair. X

Dear Mojo, I think you will find the counselling very helpful. I honestly began to look forward to my meetings once I got to know the Counsellor, she was so kind and helpful.
I know what you mean about struggling with the loss, its devastating, I do think its very early days for you.
I think we all have regrets for not realising just how lucky we were to have that special someone in our lives, I definitely do. I think life is so busy at times, we all do the very best we can; you mentioned you worked and have teenagers ~ you sometimes don't have enough hours in the day.
Thinking of you and please be kind to yourself ~ Elaine x

I lost my husband 2 weeks ago very suddenlyand I feel so lost, the funeral was on Thursday past, I am finding it very hard to except he has gone. I’m trying to keep busy but today I woke up feeling very down. He was my best friend, soulmate, my life. I don’t know how I am going to carry on without him and what to do without him

Dear Mojo . I understand how you feel . My husband Mark collapsed suddenly and unexpectedly from a cardiac arrest at the end of July at home . We managed to get him to critical care but he died 3 days later . The events of that morning are etched in my mind . One minute we were chatting happily the next he had collapsed unconscious and I was doing CPR waiting for the paramedics and air ambulance . He was 60 and hadn’t been ill at all . We have three daughters from 21-30 and we are all devastated , I have started bereavement counselling . It all feels so unreal and tonight I am feeling really sad . Sending you hugs . Romy xxx

Hi Angie, so sorry to hear about your very recent loss. I cant believe that 4 months have passed since I lost my Chris. To me it feels like time has stood still. Each morning waking up without him is unbearable.
Thats all you can do is carry on each day to get through this. If I didnt have my daughters I think I would just stayed in bed and waste away. But I have to carry on for them.
You will get through this, as I have so far, but I know the pain that you are feeling is the worst we will ever go through.
Just take each day at a time. X

Hi Romy, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. The trauma of those events must be etched in your mind as mine are with me. They are all too vivid as if happened yesterday.
My husband felt ill during the night and I just new it was something serious, i decided to get an ambulance but he pleaded with me not to so as to not make a fuss. Im so glad I followed my gut feeling as it was the first stages of a heart attack. He wasnt having any chest pains at this stage, even when the paramedics arrived and were assessing him. It was only when they got him in the ambulance it took hold of him. We were 25 mins away from the nearest hospital with a cardiac unit. His blood pressure was very low and so they couldnt give him any painkiller. So for 25 mins to the hospital I saw my poor love in terrible pain. He went into cardiac arrest just as we arrived outside A&E and a nurse gave him cpr. I was frozen to the seat in the ambulance in total shock. They brought him back and the cardiac specialists worked on him whilst i was taken to the relaitives room. I was told that things didnt look good, on my own and a nurse kept coming in to update me as they worked on Chris until the whole team came into the room and then I knew he had gone. Im totally devastated.
Romy you were so brave, to have gotten through that and performing cpr to keep him alive. You have to keep in your heart that you did everything you could do and more, faced with that situation. Like you said it feels so unreal. For me it was like watching a horrible film unfold before my eyes and now I am just left with intense sadness. It is unbearable, just miss him so much. We should have grown old together.