I am Tired!!!!

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I am so so tired!
Tired of crying, tired of been alone, tired of doing everyday things, tired to try to create a new life that I don't want
I am tired to be alone.
Tired to know that nothing will change!! I am so tired!!!
Tired of not having Jack by my side - in 2 weeks will be 1 year - all I can say is that I miss his voice - his warmth - I miss him touch my shoulder and kissing my neck
I miss Jack around, spending time with him
I miss him !! The rain is so hard and so much of it that half of my garage got flooded! Where is Jack to help me - where is Jack so we could complain together
It is so draining !!
I used to think life was great! Life haven't felt great in a very long time - t is so awful!!

Because of the rain all roads around us are looking like lakes - so I didn't go to my boxing class - it was when I realised that I arrange something to do every evening because I don't want to be home !!

So so sorry for my ranting!!
I just had enough

Sadie x

In reply to Sadsadie

All I can say is me too . After 18 months I feel the same !

Dear Sadie
You’re post could have been written by me. I feel your pain and such yearning for what we had. I’m so tired, yet cannot sleep! After almost 8 months I’m tired of this constant feeling of despair, the longing for his touch, his warmth, his assurance that all will be ok.
Nothing will ever be ok again.
I miss him so much
Take care xx

I'm so sad and sorry for everyone who feels that way. Yes, tiredness, another emotional problem. It's exhaustion! All the tears and emotional upset drains energy. Everything becomes a chore to be done but with little interest.
And Sadie, the weather doesn't help at all. As the nights draw in we are bound to feel down. We are humans living on the Earth and subject to the changing seasons.
I know, it goes a lot deeper than that, but it doesn't help.
I must confess that until it happened to me I had no idea what bereavement was like and how it can affect one emotionally and physically.
There's not a lot I can say that will ease the burden. I can only reach out and say that you are not alone, but you know that.
And no one 'rants' on here. It's all about unloading and expressing emotions where they will be understood. I often feel our sadness is not only because we have lost a dear one, but everything around us seems to be in chaos. When we are so vulnerable we pick up the general feeling of dismay. It doesn't help.
I press on as best I can. It will be a year soon since my wife passed. Does it get easier? Sometimes, but I still have the YO YO effect. Up and down. Some days I begin to think it will pass. Other days I go down and think it will never end.
I do know it will because I feel it will. This feeling is difficult to describe. I will never ever forget, never. But the pain may diminish.
Take care everyone. Blessings.

Hi Sadie, I am so sorry you feel so fed up and all I can say is ditto. I think most of us can relate to your words so your not ranting at all, and as Jonathan so rightly says, we just had no idea what it was going to be like. I understand about everyday being a constant struggle. I am so sensitive these days and any little thing can become a major drama. I'm fed up with some people on the allotment, 'new jobs worth' on committee. Can't be bothered with it all. Just want to stay in my own little world. I make each day count and do things I quite enjoy but something is always missing.

Has anyone looked at a photo of their loved one and screamed at them and blamed them for leaving us in such a state. What on earth have we done to deserve this. I knew I would grieve but usually being a positive, person expected it to have been a little easier by now. Some days not so bad, quite pleased with myself, then a major drop in mood comes along. Two steps forward and five back !!!!!!
Keep going Sadie we will get there one day...... Pat xx

Yes Pat, I know exactly what you mean. Some days the light gets brighter, others it gets dimmer, but it's always there, well for me it is.
And I also know about the 'why did you leave me' bit. But is there such a thing as blame?
In a sense no one is at fault. It's life! All part of the tapestry we call living. Threads of happiness woven in with threads of sadness. In a way we fight against life. We resist it rather than go with it. Resistance sets up barriers in the mind.
Sorry, this may not make much sense at the moment.
Grief and happiness are flip sides of the same coin called life. At the moment the coin has come down on the unhappiness side. Shall we flip it again later? Who knows which side it may fall.
You are right Pat, we will get there and you are still a positive person in spite of all you are going through. I find inspiration in your posts.
Take care and Bless you.

Hello Sadsadie, me too, you couldn't have put it better how I feel to. Have been lucky to have been on three holidays this year with my daughter and friends, sometimes so tired of being cheerful, putting on a face to everybody. Its been 18 months for me too since i lost my Paul, no one can take his place and make me feel happy. I hate this conversation in my head that i have all the time, no one else knows about. Its i miss you, where are you, wish you were here, can't cope without you. It never stops, I'm so tired too!!

Hi Sadie
Strangely enough I have just sent a text to a friend saying I'm tired of being tired -that I am close to giving it all up and doing what I want to do

Hi Jonathan, You make perfect sense as usual. We all try so hard yet find ourselves being held back by an invisible force. I am trying to go with it.
Yesterday I met a woman that lost her husband, then her teenage son drowned trying to rescue his little dog from the sea and to add to this her daughter was found dead in her flat. I just can't imagine how people manage to get through all that, I'm struggling with losing one person. But people that have suffered so much do give me hope that if they can get through it then so can I, one day..

Pattidot. That poor woman. I feel so very selfish feeling sorry for myself. I try so hard to be brave. It's just that when you are down you can only think of yourself & now I am feeling so guilty, so many people are suffering this dreadful feeling of sadness & loneliness.
I am going to try so hard today not to feel sorry for myself. I am going to count my blessings today.

Take care all, my thoughts are with you

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