It has been over four years now.

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My darling husband died over four years ago, and in three weeks time, this will be my fifth birthday without him. I have been getting on with my life, going for facials, new glasses etc. etc. gardening, days out shopping and generally living my life to the best of my ability, but yesterday, I just spent all day crying.

It just goes to show that no matter how much time has passed, we will miss our husbands/wives forever. I still have the odd weep on a night, especially when I turn over in our bed and he is not there, I still put out my arm on his side of the bed, but he is not there.

I honestly don't think I will ever find peace again. It is just a long hard slog and it doesn't matter how loving your family are, they will never be enough because all you need is your husband/wife.

Love to you all.

Hi Sheila,

Sorry about your sad day yesterday. You said you were going to get on with your life and you've certainly been doing your best. Then the grief you have been living alongside, takes over everything. I feel Peter is with you...he is the driving force that picks you back up, when you need it most. You are so loved Sheila, you deserve peace, I'd love to think it's just around the corner...love right back to you, xx

Thank you Rainbow, it just goes to show that even after a few years of losing your partner and as much as you try to move on and try to live a different kind of life, the past comes back and knocks you down when you least expect it.

I will do what I always do, get back up and carry on.

xxxx

Hello Sheila, I wish you loads of peace and tranquility. It's not that we are looking for happiness is it, just a bit of inner quietness and rest would suffice.

In reply to Tina19

Thank you Tina,

What I have noticed is that when Peter first died in 2014, all I wanted was for winter to last forever, I could close the blinds, put on the heating, and not have to explain to our sons why I wasn't going out anywhere because it was too cold to be walking around the parks alone or around the town centres.

It has taken me over 4 years to look forward to summer so I can start to go for walks in the warm sunshine. This change of heart, in a way, is telling me that I am now moving on with my life and I don't need to be sitting in my home in the middle of winter, wishing for her husband to come home so perhaps I am now seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, it may be a long tunnel but the light is there, waiting for me to walk out into the sunshine again.

I will always have my bad days, especially on our special days and I will always look back at what was. Peter provided for me to have a comfortable lifestyle if ever he was not here, so I will honour his memory by enjoying the life I have been left with but there will always be sadness because he is not here to enjoy it with me, but I know we will be together again someday.
Love

Sheila xx

These are really positive comments and proof, if any was needed, that this "tunnel" is of varying distances in different cases and will become lighter of its accord. Not because other people say its time to. All the best

Thank you Tina, the pain of losing the love of our life with never go away, but it will ease in time. We must be thankful, because not many people are lucky enough to have what we had with our soulmate.

I also think as we get older, we long for the days when we were young, pretty and carefree and had all our lives facing us with the love of our lives, but then again so many people never get that either. I was one of the lucky ones.

Sheila xx

In reply to Lonely

My Kind loving husband died in July we had been married almost 54 years.
Also my eldest daughter no longer wants to know me, she didn't come to the funeral so I feel as if it is a double bereavement.
I keep busy and make sure I go out every day, to talk to someone.
A friend is starting a widows club so that we all understand how each other is feeling.
Best wishes.

In reply to Lonelyme

Dear Lonelyme,

I am so terribly sorry for what has happened with your daughter especially when your grief is so new. I don't know the in's and out of what has happened, but whatever it is am ashamed of your daughter, missing her dad's funeral and not supporting you, but one day, when you are no longer here, the guilt will eat her up and spoil the rest of her life.

A similar thing has happened to me. Immediately after their dad died, our two sons decided that life was too short to be in unhappy marriages so both got divorced, they are in their late 40's with children, our youngest son no longer sees his two sons aged 7 and 9 because of his evil ex wife and I also don't see them. It is like you say, another bereavement and some days, I honestly do not know why I am still here. There is nothing for me here anymore, not since my husband died, I am like a fish out of water, even though I try and look after myself, go for facials and massages, but without my Peter, everything is pointless.

I do not go out everyday, I have never done that, I get out of bed and do what I need to do, either go out or stay in, it doesn't matter either way because I am on my own wherever I go.

Like I have said before, we have not only lost our husbands, we are nearing the last leg of our journey on this earth and I look back so many times and cannot believe I was once so young and pretty with an handsome young man by my side and I wonder if I cry for him, for me or for the life we will no longer have again.

I also keep busy. but it will never have the same pleasure, because at the end of the day we come home to an empty house. I see films advertised that we watched together many, many years ago, old TV programmes that I can no longer watch on my own.

I do hope you find friends at the widows club and be able to support each other.

Love

Sheila xx

I know exactly what you mean.
I stopped seeing my grandson 5 years ago he is 8 this month it's because his mum is evil too was horrible to my son shouting and swearing at him throwing things at him and some of the messages she sent me made me feel sick/ ill I had to block her from every thing.
We lost touch as she moved away but 5 months ago she text me again ( somehow)
saying it was time we saw our grandson as it's been long enough without him seeing us and his dad!!!!
She also said I am sorry to hear that James is ill!! I haven't a clue how she knows that!!!
Because I can't trust her I let it go I didn't meet up with her because the timing stunk I was caring for my sick husband and I didn't want her going on one again!!!!

My husband passed away on the 27th of October last year my Son has been married 4 years but he keeps telling me his marriage isn't to good and will be surprised if he is still with his wife at the end of the year!!!
My Daughter in Law is usually lovely but since losing her father in law she seems to only care about herself I went to my Son's for Christmas and New year which was lovely to start with but then there was a horrible atmosphere which I didn't really want to be in with everything else! The day I came home my daughter in law didn't say bye it was lovely having you or any thing else she just sat there.

Another argument between them.
I was glad to get back home in my own house even though I was alone.
We have spoken since but she haven't really apologised.

I said to her one day ! It's going to be a sad day the day of the funeral she said for you and Martin ( my son ) it will be yes !!!!

Could never make that remark out and never Wii.
She is in the police force so not at home much for me to get in her way anyway.

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