Just dont know what to do

Probably wont post this but in case I do if you're easily bored look away now. 1982 I was 21 . and the guys i worked with wanted someone to move down to a strange little village in kent to oversee a contract manufacturing job. Company car good money and stay on a lovely country pub eating and drinking for free. Not going to turn that one down then.

They found me a space next door to the export department. The exsport office was always fun. In charge was export director Jane. Some how even from the first day we had something. Was never going to happen she was older than me and an important part of the company. And I was just the young idiot. But she was the funniest most beautiful daftest person i'd ever met

Time passed and the company was sadly bought out by an asset stripper. Jane was made redundant which was horrible for her because she loved her job and I took my contract to a company in Wales - which was quite good fun but not relevant here.

Jane and I always kept in touch. Her personal life wasnt easy at that time either. She finally split with her seemly unpleasant partner and bought a small cottage in the village uo the road. During this Time I'd met someone and we'd bought a house back where I came from.

But the contract company had a chance of a great MOD contract and Jane wasnt going to let that go. She managed to raise half a million quid to set up her own manufacturing business. Trouble was her then business partner was an idiot and it all ended up going horribly wrong. I brought my contract back to her company and tried to help but it was all too little too late

But she was a tough girl she wasnt going to give up. We were just good mates we'd have a drink after work or lunch sometimes. was still never going to happen.

Anyway things at her company got worse. One evening we were having one of our after work chats before we went home and I just said to her you cant do this any more you need to save yourself. she stood to lose her house and everything and I couldnt let that happen. We ended up having a kiss and a cuddle and pretty much the rest is history. I know I hurt my then partner terribly and I'll always feel guilty about that.

Jane and I had 30 wonderful years together. We travelled the world and just had such a brilliant time.

Sadly about 4 years ago she started do develop early onset altziemers (Poss spelling problem). I cared for as best I could but in the end she had to go into a home in January. She was OK in herself and quite happy but no longer knew who I was. She died in May. I'm so utterly and completely devastated just lost it. Why am I drinking at this time in the morning and started smoking again after 20 years - I dont know it certainly doesnt help

So there's my sorry tale. Do I hit the go button and subject you to this drivel - yeah I will but you dont have to read it sorry guys

Drivel?Bored? Sorry? NO, NO, NO. Never think that here. Never!. Your pain comes through so strongly and I, like many others, will feel it too. This site is all about what you have just done. Unload. Never feel out of place here or embarrassed. You are a guy and so am I, but believe me when I say it hurts just as much with either a man or women. Grief is universal.
It sounds as if you had good times so try and focus on them. Difficult? I'll say. But I have found that as time passes, (my wife died 10 months ago), it does ease, a bit, just a bit, and you begin to see through this horrible mist. I have just moved back into our bedroom which I have been out of since she died. Yes, it was painful, but I have found facing and accepting the situation helps. Not at the moment for you. One day at a time for the moment. Take care and keep posting.

In reply to r6nick

Dear Nick

Thank you for sharing. To me it sounds like a real love story. I am so sorry you have had to join this site but hope you will obtain some comfort from all the lovely people on here who truly understand.
I met my husband when we worked together (I was three years older than him) and also married. But as someone we worked with 40 years ago said to me at the funeral - we could all see from day 1 that you were meant to be together forever. That comment meant the world to me.
Keep posting and you will find support from everyone on here. We are all at different stages and our circumstances are all different too - apart from the one sad thing that enrols us on this forum.
Take care
Trisha xx

Thank you for your kind replies. Hopefully, in time i'll stay on here and be supportive to others. Just so lost at the moment.

You all take care x

My time with my beautiful Ed was only 10 years and he often said he wished we had met years before. Like you and your lovely Jane we just needed to be together no matter what. Sometimes it was not easy with difficulties in my family but in the end they all loved him. I wish we had had more years together but this pain and sadness would still be the same. And no one can make it better. I live each day as it comes. This week has been terrible. Maybe next week will be easier or worse. I don’t know. But definitely sharing emotions and thoughts on this forum has really helped me. So drivel away please Nick ! And hope my sad words don’t depress you more !
Liz

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